Even if the marital relationship has exhausted itself and was terminated, it is not easy to forget your ex-husband. But the constant torment of yourself with memories of past love is morally exhausting and does not allow you to start a new life without a former partner. First you need to deal with your emotions and let go of the situation. If you cannot do this on your own, you can contact a psychologist. After that, you should restore your condition and tune in to a positive wave.
If a girl says to herself, “I can’t stop loving,” and after parting, thoughts of past happiness are constantly spinning in her head, then there is a reason to sound the alarm. A woman cannot cope with the depression caused by the breakup with her loved one.
The only way out visible for her is to escape from reality into a world of dreams about the past. She returns to them again and again, but this attempt to snatch a piece of ghostly happiness will have to pay dearly. The illusion will grip the mind more strongly, and the return to reality will become harder and harder each time.
You should not conduct mental dialogues with a former partner, monitor his pages on social networks or sort out gifts from him. You need to realize: the relationship is over, only indifference remains on his part. When leaving, you need to leave.
Starting a new, fulfilling life after a divorce and becoming a different person is not easy, but necessary. Otherwise, you will not be able to get rid of pain and suffering. A new life has to start with drastic changes, which can be painful. In psychology, this is called “leaving the comfort zone.”
Getting through a divorce from a once loved one is hard. If a couple has a common child, this process becomes even more painful. The breakdown of the parents’ marriage does not affect the child’s psyche in the best way. The kid will start asking questions (you still have to answer them) or will withdraw into himself.
When a woman starts to come to her senses depends on her inner resources. But knowing exactly what to do will help you cope with this task.
Work through and let go of the negative
It is normal to feel negative emotions about your ex-spouse. You shouldn’t blame yourself for these feelings. You can use the stress state as a resource. Often a negative emotional shake-up has a strong motivating effect: a person spitefully tries to achieve success, to become better. As a result, emotions will subside, and the result will remain.
But if emotions have only a destructive effect and reinforce harmful patterns of behavior towards oneself and loved ones (abuse of prihotropic substances, aggression towards family and friends), it is necessary to solve the problem differently. In this case, you need to let the negative come out through tears, a conversation with a loved one. Another way to let off steam is to go to a secluded place (forest, park) and scream. Screaming therapy is an effective technique for dealing with stress. You can also relieve stress in the gym.
Find the strength in yourself
When the pain subsides, you need to find motivation to start a new life. The void must be filled, otherwise everything will return to normal: the girl will stay at home, continuing to revel in self-pity and enjoy watching TV series about love. To find inspiration, you need to get out of the house. It can be a cute picnic with a friend in nature, a camping trip, or sitting in a cozy restaurant.
The past is behind, the horizons are open. All that remains is to become happy. You can think about your aspirations and dreams before marriage. Public, entertainment and educational events (going to the cinema or theater, attending a master class) will be useful in finding a new path.
Love is lost, the realization of this always negatively affects self-esteem, takes away hope for a better future. This gap needs to be filled.
Psychological training and exercises will help here. For example, you can remember your positive qualities, or better – write about them on paper. There is no need to be shy, because bold and impudent praise in your address will force you to overestimate the current state of affairs. The list must be re-read every day. Gradually, respect and self-love will begin to return.
Paint life with new colors
When self-esteem is normal, you need to turn to the outside world, throwing off the veil of past disappointments and resentments. The surrounding life has shades with which people paint it. The whole palette is in the head. You need to learn to feel the connection with the world, nature, natural beauty and harmony even in everyday things. Once contact is made, the dark past will dissolve without a trace.
It is worth paying attention to your appearance, going to the fitness room, beauty salon. Perhaps, during marriage, there was neither strength nor time for this. But now you can enjoy freedom, change your hair, lose weight. This will help to liberate oneself internally, throw off the shackles of self-flagellation and nostalgia.
Steps to a new world
After getting rid of the negative emotions associated with separation, you need to change your lifestyle. To do this, you need to open up to changes, accept yourself as a person and tune in to a positive result. You can go on a trip abroad, fulfill your old dream.
Open up to innovation
It’s time to stop dwelling on the past and go in search of inspiration. But before that, you should sit down and write down your hobbies, desires, unrealized projects. Crisis moments in life are a great time for drastic changes and daring undertakings.
This can be writing a book, hitchhiking around Europe, learning oriental dances, mastering the culinary arts, etc. Ideas can be the craziest. Passion will quickly take over and take the place of unpleasant memories and negative experiences. Far from reality and unproductive fantasies about the return of former love will go away forever.
Accept and love yourself
During this period, attitude towards oneself is extremely important. You need to behave with dignity. Spying on the life of the former is a destructive occupation; he has no place in a new life. Better to focus on yourself. Instead of constantly worrying about the absence of a number of friends and loved ones, you should take a moment and spend time alone with yourself. This will help bring the situation under control.
There is a good exercise: to get to know yourself better, you should start with your own physical body. Awareness of oneself here and now in this moment of reality will allow one to escape from the endless flow of information with ephemeral significance, sitting in social networks, watching TV series. You must not allow yourself to lose your identity, dissolve in something or someone.
Tune in to the positive
Another important step on the path to a new life is getting the right mindset. Spiritual practices will help with this: mantras, prayers, etc.
There is an effective psychological exercise for a positive attitude. The first step is to take the gap for granted and come to terms with reality. This needs to be said aloud in order to realize.
Then you need to determine your true desires. To do this, you need to relax, breathe deeply and draw your desired future in your thoughts.
Once the desires are identified, it is worth trying the method of positive affirmation or affirmation. It is necessary to repeat phrases that reflect the desired state of affairs. Affirmation statements cannot contain negation; they must be pronounced in the first person in the present tense. It is necessary to repeat the phrases every day, several times in the minutes of a surge of positive energy and joy.