How to forget your ex and start a new life?
Unfortunately, breakups do happen in relationships. At the same time, it is important to find the strength to quickly recover after the departure of a loved one, bring yourself back to normal and learn to re-enjoy every day you live. The article provides advice from psychologists that will help you forget your ex-partner and put a “fat point” in a relationship.
It is difficult to come to terms with the loss of a loved one. The first reaction of a woman in this situation is resentment. This emotion is natural, however, it does not solve the problem. Psychologists advise paying attention to the second reaction of the body – understanding the main reasons for parting.
Why a man left: common reasons
A realistic assessment of the reasons for the husband’s departure enables the wife to establish her personal life in the future.
More often men leave their partners for the following reasons:
- Loss of interest. Over the years of living together, a woman, feeling a certain stability in a relationship, begins to lose her former self – she stops caring for herself, grumbles about any reason, is not interested in anything other than women’s serials and television shows. Near him, a man wants to see a beautiful, sexy, reasonably well-read and intelligent woman, with whom it is equally pleasant to just sit in the kitchen or go to an expensive restaurant. Of course, no one says that a girl should always be in “full combat readiness”, because often difficult days happen, but you must not forget about yourself. Women are encouraged to regularly mentally draw parallels between what she was when she first met and what she is today. Men will calmly survive the appearance of wrinkles on their wife’s face, but not her complete apathy towards him, towards life, towards herself.
- Mismatch of goals. The banal “did not agree with the characters”, unfortunately, often becomes the reason for the breakdown of relations. And if at the initial stages, violent love, passion, sex distracted the couple from some misunderstanding, then in the process of living together, when the passions have subsided a little, small trifles develop into constant scandals, reproaches, quarrels. At the same time, the difference of interests and goals can be manifested in everything: one saves – the other spends too much, one wants to have children – the other does not. If at the initial stage you do not talk and do not find out the main life tasks of partners, then, most likely, the couple will face a collapse in the relationship.
- Negative. If there is almost always a negative between a couple, and there is not a single good note, such a relationship becomes a burden. Among the representatives of the male part, neurotics are rarely found, which means that with regular scandals, reproaches, claims, a man will flee.
- Attempts to change your partner. A common female mistake. No matter how delicately a woman acts, a man will feel how he is being manipulated, they are trying to “blind” from him an ideal that he cannot and does not want to be. Feeling the limitations of freedom and space, the partner tries to find them on the side, where he is perceived as he is, with disadvantages and advantages.
- Dissatisfaction in sexual life. One of the important “whales” on which strong relationships are built is sex, which allows you to maintain harmony and balance. If the needs of one of the partners are not regularly met, the balance collapses, quarrels, scandals, and mutual reproaches begin in the family. Changes in sexual needs throughout family life certainly occur, but it is important that the husband and wife work together on the problem that has arisen. If a man experiences sexual dissatisfaction and sees a woman’s unwillingness to change the situation for the better, then most likely he will leave to look for the missing emotions elsewhere.
What’s stopping you from forgetting your ex-boyfriend?
Unfortunately, there are representatives of the fair sex who, for months, for years, cannot get rid of the thoughts of their former lover. Scrolling through the situation every day, they torment themselves with doubts that everything could have been different, if not for … And the list of such “not” is getting longer every day. What prevents you from forgetting the person you still love:
- Strong feelings. Of course, strong feelings for him interfere with getting out of the head and heart of a loved one, while the longer the relationship lasted, the more difficult it is for the girl. She lives on memories of her ex-boyfriend, consoles herself with the thought that, perhaps, feelings are reciprocated, and after a while he will return.
- Loneliness. One of the biggest fears in women is the fear of being alone. After separation, many worry that they will no longer be able to build a new relationship, a family, so they mentally return to their abandoned husband again and again, they do not know how to let him go.
- Regular communication. The need for constant meetings due to the presence of common children does not allow the spouse to delete her husband from her life. Also, common work, joint business can be an obstacle to calming feelings.
- Addiction. Often a woman becomes dependent on her partner, does not feel confidence and her integrity without him, understands that depends on his opinion, finances. In such cases, the gap becomes a real tragedy, in which the further meaning of life is lost. As a rule, this situation arises due to women’s insecurity and low self-esteem.
A sense of ownership. To a greater extent, it is characteristic of the stronger sex, however, in some cases, girls are also able to show selfishness. The thoughts that the person who was madly loved will belong to another torment and do not allow to start a new life.
Ways to forget a man
Parting with a loved one is a painful, crisis and turning point in life. In order to forget your partner as quickly as possible and not remember him, psychologists advise using several simple but effective methods.
Fill in time
After parting, a woman experiences apathy, unwillingness to go anywhere, to do anything. One of the most effective methods of dealing with depression is full-time employment. The girl should rebuild her daily schedule in such a way that there is not a single free minute to think about her ex. It is recommended to devote yourself to work, sports, walks with friends, dinners with parents, schedule so tightly that there is only enough time for sleep.
Be in the present
One of the main mistakes made by the fair sex is constant thoughts about a past life, memories of a loved one. Oddly enough, but this is precisely the first phase of the struggle with grief, when a woman completely plunges into the past, recalls all the joyful and sad moments of life with her husband. This phase allows you to get emotional release, so experts advise all girls to experience it to the fullest. However, it is impossible to stay in this state for a long time, otherwise the healing process may take many months. The simplest thing a woman can do to help herself is to leave the past in the past, to live here and now. To stop looking into the past, you need to focus your thoughts on what is happening at the moment, focus on the surrounding factors. Over time, such a technique of concentration will allow you to cut off unnecessary, negative thoughts and intuitively tune in to life in real time.
The process of adaptation after separation will be faster and easier if you meet new people and communicate more. Of course, new people cannot appear suddenly, for this the girl should make a little effort. The emergence of new people in life can be facilitated by other work, fitness or dancing, going to concerts and exhibitions, studying at various courses and trainings, group tourist tours. The opportunities for dating are not limited, the main thing is to use them.
After the breakup, it’s time to redirect the energy that was directed at the beloved to the beloved. From the point of view of psychology, separation is not the end of one of the stages of life, but the beginning of a new one.
Therefore, the start of a new life should be devoted to oneself, self-development, improvement of the body. Want to call your loved one? Instead, experts advise to go to the gym, visit an exhibition, sign up for a new cosmetic procedure. Of course, in the first weeks of parting it will be difficult to do this, however, through “I can not”, you need to rebuild life, get out of the “zone of suffering”, look at the situation in a new way.
Sports, a new hobby, travel, books will help not only to forget about the ex-husband, but will also be able to increase a woman’s self-esteem, give her the opportunity to reconsider her life goals, to do what she didn’t have time for before.
Life is work
A person’s life is the personification of his thoughts, that is why, it is necessary not to complain about sorrow and misfortune, but to change the way of thinking, work daily on thoughts and intentions. Life, like work, should be profitable and profitable. And profit for a person is positively colored thoughts about any pleasant things, be it health, success, work, hobbies, new love. Psychologists advise you to stop bringing negative thoughts “loss”, learn to focus on the positive, and love yourself. At first, the brain will resist, because thinking about the negative is much easier than tune in to inspiration and positive. However, gradually what has traumatized and wounded will be replaced by joy, development and emotional enrichment.