How to forgive treason and live peacefully on?
Cheating on a loved one is the strongest emotional stress. Is it possible to forgive betrayal and live peacefully on, and should you do this if your heart is broken? There is no definite answer to this question. This article will help you understand the reasons for your partner’s infidelity and look at the situation from the outside.
Types of partner cheating
You will be surprised to learn that there are several types of cheating in psychology, depending on the situation:
- One-time cheating happens unplanned, for example, during a work trip or a friendly party. New events take place in a person’s life, he meets interesting people, enjoys freedom and a change of environment. In these conditions, it is very easy to get carried away and lose control. In most cases, the traitor immediately after a stormy night experiences disappointment and a bitter sense of regret. If such circumstances come to light, he wants to be forgiven.
- Cheating with a familiar person. As a rule, a traitor maintains a friendly relationship with a person of the opposite sex for several years. Imperceptibly friendship develops into feelings and lovers find themselves in a common bed. Relationships are maintained for months and even years. The traitor rushes between family and mistress (lover). Such a love triangle is difficult to destroy, because sooner or later you have to make painful choices. Regardless of the choice, the traitor experiences mental anguish.
- Regular affairs. In this case, we are talking about numerous, but short-term relationships with women of easy virtue, visits to strip clubs, intimate correspondence. Such a person does not experience feelings, using casual acquaintances to satisfy his sexual desires, relieve tension and stress. We can talk about polygamy as a trait of such a traitor. It is often extremely difficult for a life partner to forgive treason in this case.
- Life for two families. Some men, after long years of marriage, have a permanent mistress, provide for her and even raise common children. We must pay tribute to the ingenuity of the man who has kept such a relationship a secret for many years. Most often, the wife eventually learns about the betrayal, but prefers to pretend that she is not in the know, so as not to disrupt the usual way of life.
- Cheating as a way to get the emotions missing in a marriage. In family relationships, this type of person feels emptiness and loneliness. Cheating occurs when meeting a person of the opposite sex, who is somewhat superior to a marriage partner. For example, a man enjoys rock climbing while his wife is on maternity leave. In the climbers’ club, he meets a woman and sometimes intimate relationships happen between them without commitment. In such a relationship, the traitor does not feel pleasure and does not become attached to the partner, always returning to the family. Betrayal in this case is a kind of outlet.
- Moral betrayal without engaging in intimate contact. Do I need to forgive the betrayal if it was not physical? The harmless friendship between a man and a woman eventually develops into platonic feelings, which the traitor keeps secret and tightly controls. There are categories of people who thus make their spouse jealous and enjoy it. In other cases, platonic feelings allow you to enjoy romance and falling in love without threatening your marriage.
Based on the previous point, you need to analyze the circumstances of the betrayal that occurred. If it was a one-time or platonic one, then you can try to forgive the betrayal of an unfaithful partner and improve the relationship to live on. If cheating occurs regularly, then there is a great chance of repeating this sad situation.
Forgiveness is possible in the following cases:
- If you love your partner a lot and he loves you.
- If you see that your partner sincerely repents of the betrayal and suffers no less than you.
- If during the previous time you were happy in this relationship.
- If the partner is indirectly pushed by difficult conditions (for example, family conflicts or lack of attention).
- If the betrayal occurred under the influence of alcohol.
- If you are raising common children.
We advise you what questions you should ask yourself before forgiving cheating
- How serious was the cheating – flirting, kissing, multiple dates, or physical contact?
- Has your partner cheated on you before?
- Do you still have feelings for your partner?
- Will you be able to sincerely forgive your partner’s betrayal?
- If your partner tries to rebuild the relationship, will you reciprocate?
- Is the partner ready to further limit his communication with members of the opposite sex?
- Does the partner still have feelings for the lover (tse)?
- How will rebuilding this relationship benefit you?
There are no perfect relationships: in every family there are unpleasant moments that you don’t want to remember. It is very difficult to forgive treason; it will take a long time before the wounds of the soul can heal. Nevertheless, if there is a chance to restore the former harmony in the relationship, then why not take advantage of this opportunity?
There are several options for the development of relationships after infidelity:
- Parting / divorce, complete exclusion of the cheating partner from life.
- Divorce and preservation of formal relationships for the sake of raising common children.
- Divorce and attempts to reduce the communication of children with a cheating partner.
- Forgiving a partner, further total control of his actions, regular reminders of betrayal.
- Forgiveness of a partner who will continue to secretly cheat in the future.
- Forgiving your partner’s betrayal and trying again to find happiness in the relationship.
- You need to think carefully about the situation, not letting your emotions influence your choice. With a cool head, approach the question of whether to forgive treason or not.
Any relationship psychologist will give you a simple piece of advice; you need to talk frankly with your partner. Convey your feelings to him, explain what mental suffering you experienced. The traitor must clearly understand the consequences of his act. Be sure to convince your partner that if you cheat again, this relationship will be destroyed forever and you will no longer be able to forgive the cheating again.