Envy is not the most pleasant feeling. It causes suffering not only in the envious, but also, no matter how strange it may seem, irritation in the one who is envied. The situation is especially complicated when a person is overcome by black envy. It becomes destructive for mental and, most importantly, physical health. Let us dwell in more detail on the differences between black and white envy, on the reasons that cause this unpleasant and destructive feeling, and finally on how to get rid of envy.
What is envy
Envy is a set of negative emotions that arise in a person at the sight of someone else’s success or well-being. At the same time, the envious person from the very beginning can experience a different spectrum of emotions:
- With white envy, there is a feeling of self-disappointment (or, if this is an easy case, dissatisfaction). This motivates a person to work on himself or on a specific area of his life in order to get that cherished, which he envied.
- With black envy, the first to appear is a feeling of irritation and even hatred towards a more successful person. Most often, no work on oneself is done here. A person tries not to rise to the level of the one whom he envied, but to lower a more successful friend / neighbor / acquaintance to his own level.
Quite often, envy grows in a person’s heart to such an extent that he begins to commit bad deeds, unconsciously believing that this is some kind of revenge for the injustice of the world. A person perceives his repulsive behavior solely as a tool to restore the balance of justice. At the same time, oppression and pain from what is happening is often experienced only by the envious.
Trying desperately to maintain outward calmness, the envious person cannot for a minute get rid of the destructive effects of envy. This feeling occupies all his thoughts, which prevents him from working normally and enjoying life. At the same time, these sufferings remain absolutely meaningless, because NO actions are taken to achieve the desired success.
Psychological reasons for envy
Before talking about how to get rid of envy, you should consider the causes of envy from the point of view of psychology. It must be said right away that not all people have a tendency to envy. Individuals who are confident in themselves and their ideals do not envy (and even white envy is immediately transformed into motivation for them). Any doubts about yourself, your life, your success immediately increases the likelihood of this black and destructive feeling arising when you meet a person who will have the qualities or life of your dreams.
Hence, we can draw a simple conclusion that the main reason for the appearance of envy is lack of confidence in oneself and one’s strengths.
Low self-esteem gives rise to the confidence in the minds of people that they will definitely not be able to achieve something on their own. They believe that in the world, in principle, there are no those who achieve something on their own – the Universe, God, rich parents, beautiful appearance, more successful husbands, wives, etc. help them. For such people, the word “success” and “luck” are synonymous.
There are other factors that contribute to the emergence of envy:
- Lack of material wealth and absolute confidence that a person will never succeed in increasing material well-being on their own.
- Low self-esteem, lack of success in personal life, in career, in self-development.
- Self-deception (a person tries to convince himself that the reasons for his failures lie anywhere, but not in himself).
- Emotional hunger or relationship failure.
- Greed, the desire to get everything at once, without making any effort.
Before embarking on the fight against envy, you should accurately determine the reasons for this feeling. Sometimes the true reason can be hidden so deep that you cannot find it yourself. Here it is already worth contacting a specialist.
How to get rid of envy?
There are 10 ways to get rid of envy. We will not say that they are simple, since working with your own personality is never simple:
- Concentrate on personal success and merit. If you cannot accept your own strengths or find them, then try to write down your greatest strengths and greatest achievements on a piece of paper. Evaluate each quality or event and think if they could become the subject of someone’s envy. Believe me, you have a lot that can only be a dream for others. Keep a diary of achievements, write down all your small and big victories in it.
- Take responsibility for your success. The most common cause of jealousy and other destructive feelings is self-deception. Understand that each person is responsible for his own life. He himself is guilty of his failures and responsible for his success. The circumstances in which you live today are the result of all your actions (even the smallest) committed in the past. And if so, then you can take a step towards a better life today, now. So stop being jealous of others’ successes, you are able to do the same and even more.
- Learn to enjoy the success of others. Has your friend or relative succeeded in anything? So this is good! Learn to see this as a perspective for your own development.
- Self-development is the key to success. Envy is based, first of all, on the inability to recognize that a person has received something good deservedly. Denial comes from low self-esteem, lack of confidence in one’s own abilities. This means that self-development will help to cope with this. The desire to become better gives rise not only to self-satisfaction, but also leads to success. Finally, start learning English (and do it with pleasure), sign up for dance courses, experiment in cooking, in a word, start to develop in different directions.
- Compliment others. One of the most working techniques. When someone does something better, then praise them. Do not rush to extremes, scattering compliments left and right, even for the fact that the person is just breathing nearby. Praise should be sincere and, most importantly, deserved.
- Learn to see what’s behind the scenes. This refers to the ability to see huge and painstaking work behind momentary success. When a person achieves certain success, for example, in business, envious people do not see a background behind it. They do not see how a “successful friend” comes home every day after midnight, how he spends time not with his family, but on business trips, how he loses everything at the very beginning of his career, when it seemed that the matter was about to finally go … Sometimes the object of envy would not mind being in your place.
- No criticism. For many, criticism is not a way to help another adequately look at a particular case, but a way to assert oneself at someone else’s expense. It is the latter who disguise the verbal humiliation of successful people under criticism, which, as it seems to them, elevates them in their own eyes. There can be no question of any constructiveness here. So if you disagree with certain actions of a person, then try to understand why exactly he did them. Don’t criticize him for being more successful than you.
- Put yourself in the shoes of the other. This point is closely related to the previous two. As soon as you feel jealous of another, put yourself in his place. Imagine how his day goes, what he does in the morning, at work, in the evening. This will not only help you better understand others, but it will also save you from unfounded envy.
- World is not fair. Accept this. It is injustice that many justify their own envy. For example, you are sure that your acquaintance’s education and qualifications are inadequate. But at the same time, he earns more than you. Naturally, it’s all about injustice. Not that a person gets up at five in the morning every day to get to work, and not that he is engaged in self-education, and perhaps not even that he is constantly trying to improve his skills, only in the injustice of this world. And of course, there is nothing you can do about it. But do not forget that there are millions of people in the world whose opportunities are REALLY limited, and therefore they cannot receive the same benefits that you have. And yes, it is in this that the injustice of the world is manifested. So you don’t need to look for a catch in everything, it is in your power to do something right now in order to at least slightly improve your life.
- Think, is it so valuable that the object of envy has. Sometimes we don’t think about how valuable what a successful person is. For example, an expensive yacht, a luxurious car, a huge house. It seems to you that their owner is infinitely happy. But in fact, for him it is routine, there may be many other problems in his life, so, in fact, he is not happier than you.