How to identify a henpecked man and what to do about it?
Everyone knows that there is such a special type of men in society. But only some henpecked people cause disgust and disgust, while others manage to build almost ideal family relationships with them.
Very often these two concepts are confused and substituted. Although, in principle, we are talking about completely different types of men. A caring man is one who does everything for the sake of love for his woman. At the same time, he can perform functions completely unusual for him in everyday life, without being afraid to look funny and the same henpecked. Let’s say no one can imagine their strict chef with a smile washing dishes after dinner, etc. The fact is that such actions and such a format of relations are his choice. And such metamorphoses concern only his behavior with his beloved. He himself decides when and how often to give her flowers, how to help her around the house and with the children, he himself wants to spend more time with her, he himself seeks to pamper her with expensive purchases and anticipating all desires. At the same time, such a man remains the head of the family and takes upon himself the solution of all its problems. Such a man is unconditional happiness for a woman who will be behind him, like behind the notorious stone wall, and, in fact, as required – married. The henpecked person is assigned a completely passive role in the family. Yes, such a man can also look caring from the outside. But all his actions will be predetermined by the domineering wife. At the same time, he will also “carefully” shift all other household responsibilities onto her fragile shoulders, relieving himself of any responsibility and protecting her from unnecessary problems.
How to recognize a henpecked
So, here are just the main signs that give out the role of passive and driven in a man:
- The interests of a woman are always above his own. However, he does not seek to defend his rights too much, he is completely accustomed to such rules in the house and only in his soul waits for his wife’s desires to coincide with his personal ones (this also happens);
- All women’s whims are fulfilled unquestioningly. In addition, in such a pair, a woman has complete freedom (meeting with friends, rest and even a lover), and the whole life of the second half is under total control;
- Such a husband or guy is a big opponent of disputes and scandals in the family, so it is easier for him to agree with any claim and even accusation, if only the screams in the house calmed down and the tension decreased;
- A man in such a marriage plays the role of a breadwinner, having absolutely no right to dispose of finances. The wife and only she gives out money for purchases, decides on the expediency of investments, controls expenses, while not saving on herself, not forgetting to cut the spouse for low income and, if necessary, sending the faithful for a couple more part-time jobs;
- This type is easy to guess by the change in his relationship with friends – after a wedding or meeting his girlfriend, the henpecked guy very quickly leaves the old company and meets them only with the permission of the chosen one (all this can be explained by the points listed above).
How they become henpecked
Who are henpecked, and how to recognize them – it seems, is clear to everyone. But where does this type of men come from? After all, all are born equally cute and evoke similar emotions in everyone in childhood: “A man is growing! Assistant! Defender!” etc. Let’s dwell on the six most important reasons for the appearance of henpecked.
1. Example in the family
If a boy grew up in a family where there was such a model of behavior: the mother decided everything, and the father obeyed unquestioningly, then it is highly likely that in the future he will connect his life with the same domineering woman. It is quite logical that he will strive to receive in his young family the same protection and care that his mother fully provided for him and his father.
2. Single family
Upbringing without a father has no less influence on the formation of a man’s character. In these cases, the mother overly protects her child from any hardships in life, weaning him from defending his opinion, taking responsibility for himself, making decisions on his own, etc. And it all starts with good intentions and protecting the child from fights and quarrels with peers, choosing his friends and hobbies, pleasing him in any little things – “if only the boy was healthy and happy.” It is with the same goals that later this grown up mama’s son comes into a relationship. He also wants to receive in them no less care, so that he would be as comfortable and as happy with life as before. Often, the mother even takes on the responsibility of finding him a worthy bride, choosing a future wife so that she can fearlessly pass her child from hand to hand.
3. Character traits
It also happens that a man is by nature very calm and conflict-free. Imagine that he came across a wife who grew up in a family where the mother was in charge of everything. You understand that now, in order to avoid conflicts in the house, he will rather agree with everything, as long as nothing violates his spiritual harmony. True, such henpecked people can have an inner core, and for a long time disguised as a passive role of a follower in a relationship, at one point they can rebel and show who is the boss. Or simply leave such a family, if the bitch wife is very cool to take up the order. But he will also leave calmly, without scandals, still protecting his calmness from unnecessary screams and negative emotions.
4. Low self-esteem
This is already a reason to consult a psychologist. The reasons for such passivity, isolation and the desire to do everything that is required of him can be hidden even in childhood. Psychological trauma (constant quarrels between parents at home, bullying and bullying by peers in the yard or at school, overbearing father / mother) – all this can lead to the fact that the guy in the future will agree to any conditions, will succumb to any manipulation, just not to feel guilt and subconscious fear.
5. Conscious choice of an active partner
Many men are attracted to girls – “lighters” with whom they are not bored and who will find a way out of any situation. But, having played in such a model of relations, such women very quickly take on the responsibilities of the main one in the family, leaving the spouse the not so disagreeable role of the henpecked. Here you need to remember that everything is good in moderation, and do not forget to show your beloved your masculine qualities.
6. Life circumstances
It often happens that a man, having lost his job, for some time finds himself in the role of a dependent in the family. Yes, he is in constant search of a new job, but, alas, he has to stay at home. In such situations, caring husbands begin to show their best sides, trying to take on the maximum of household chores. They can clean and cook, wash and teach lessons with children. At the same time, they understand that they are doing this for the good of the family. A woman, especially one who earns well and is able to support a family, is quite happy with this situation. She returns from work to the house, where cleanliness, comfort, well-fed children and a caring husband await her. In this case, it is very important not to miss the moment when the wife, by right of the breadwinner, begins to independently make decisions that are important for the family, thereby turning her partner into a henpecked one.
How to change the character and attitude towards yourself
If a man began to strain too frequent grins and ridicule from friends, it is worthwhile to figure out your role in the family yourself. If the analysis is not in his favor, but in his heart he feels like an alpha male, then he urgently needs to change his character, as well as the format of the relationship.
- First, remember that you are a man and take the decision of all male issues in the family upon yourself.
- Secondly, devote time to children, they are so waiting for your attention and absorb everything that happens before their eyes – from behavior to conversations and emotions.
- Third, set goals for yourself, find something for your soul where you can express yourself as a man. By the way, exercising will also help build your willpower, making you more confident.
Finally, do not forget that you have a beloved woman. Please her with your attention, independently deciding which gift to buy and when to pamper her with flowers. Give care and tenderness, but at the same time be courageous and reliable – this is what women are looking for in their chosen ones, and what can make your union the strongest and happiest. After all, you will be responsible for your family yourself.