In this article, we will tell you how to stop being shy about people and become more confident in yourself. No one doubts that confident people always and in everything win over shy people. Who is more sympathetic to those around you? Who is usually more effective at convincing? Who is more successful in job interviews? Of course, a confident person. And if you are not, then you are probably wondering: how to stop being shy and become more self-confident. There is a way out, and the recommendations below will help you cope with various complexes.
Causes of shyness
1 Unfavorable factors of upbringing in the family. Quite often, shyness appears in those people who, in childhood, did not feel comfortable communicating with their parents and were often criticized by them. Constant prohibitions, tugging, tight control, disrespect for a child on the part of adults form fear of the world around him and reinforce shyness in his behavior. Focusing on this trait also leads to its memorization and habituation to it. For example, adults could hear phrases: “How shy you are!”, “Well, why are you ashamed?” or “Stop being shy, nobody will bite you here!” If the parents themselves demonstrate self-doubt and susceptibility to all kinds of fears, then these traits are more likely to be passed on to the child.
2 Low self-esteem often leads to shyness. In this case, a person sees in himself more negative qualities than positive ones. He believes that other people appreciate him as well and seeks to remain in the shadows, fearing their criticism and unkind looks. And as practice shows, others usually treat shy people better than they treat themselves. That is, their fears are often far-fetched.
3 Experienced adverse events (loss of loved ones and loneliness, divorce, betrayal, etc.) can also cause shyness in behavior.
4 If you had to look ridiculous, make a mistake in the presence of other people, catch sidelong glances on yourself, then a person may feel embarrassed in such situations in the future.
5 Physical disabilities (real or imaginary) can cause a person to feel ashamed of his body in public.
The negative impact of shyness
* If a person is embarrassed, then he cannot fully express himself. His talents run the risk of being overlooked.
* Shyness constrains our movements. There are usually many clamps in the body, the muscles are tight, there is not enough freedom of movement.
* Being shy, we experience discomfort. We blush, turn pale, worry about whether we look funny, ridiculous.
* Shyness interferes with full communication with others. Getting to know each other, asking for something, expressing your opinion are tasks that are difficult for a shy person to accomplish.
* Shyness sometimes forces you to abandon your goals. And the more their achievement is associated with interaction with people, the faster many give up.
* Shy people avoid conflict, fear quarrels, and have difficulty advocating their point of view.
Therefore, if the question arises about in what cases it is necessary to get rid of embarrassment, you can safely answer: in any! After all, if you stop being embarrassed, then significant prospects open up before us.
How to deal with shyness: starting to think positively
* It is important to realize that shyness is a common feeling that has no serious basis. Most often, a certain chain of thoughts arises in the style: “I am awkward, I will look funny, awkward, I will worry, I will not be able to communicate properly, they will think of me something unflattering.” It is important to be able to track such conclusions and reformulate them in the mind in a positive way, but without the “not” particle. They should sound in the affirmative: “I will look confident,” “I can answer all the questions,” “I make a good impression,” etc. A positive attitude will definitely launch a program of confident behavior!
* Understand the cause of your shyness. Why do you feel insecure? In what situations do you feel most embarrassed? How does it manifest? Are you blushing? Are your fingers trembling? Do you hide your eyes from others? Do you want to sink into the ground? Be sure to keep track of your feelings of embarrassment.
* After you identify the cause of your insecurity, there is a deep inner work to be done. For example, you realized that this feeling arose in childhood in the process of upbringing. Now it is important to get rid of those negative attitudes, assessments and criticism that were received at that early time. To do this, take the position of an adult, self-sufficient person. You are no longer a dependent child who relies on the opinion of parents in everything. You are a free person, and only those principles and attitudes that are convenient and valuable only for you should remain in your consciousness.
It is also necessary to work with other reasons at the level of feelings and attitudes, not deceiving yourself, but accepting all your weaknesses as they are. In some situations, the help of a psychologist may be required, and you should not be ashamed to seek it.
Coping with shyness: reinforcing the habit of being confident
1 Do not get around in this issue the now popular topic of leaving the comfort zone. If you want to become more confident, then you have to do it. Shy people try to avoid situations in which they feel uncomfortable, do not appear in public once again, and are not active. This strategy needs to be fundamentally changed, forcing yourself to fall into uncomfortable situations. You should regularly set yourself goals to develop assertive behavior. For example: visiting a crowded place where you are afraid to go, chatting with three strangers, asking the seller in detail about the product and not buying it. At first there will be terrible discomfort, but this is a matter of habit. The main thing is not to stop creating similar situations for yourself, otherwise the skill will not be formed.
2 Feeling attractive gives confidence and self-esteem. Watch your appearance. Nice and tidy people are pleasant to themselves, others are drawn to them, and this reduces embarrassment. If you like yourself in the mirror, then your confidence will grow. It is also important that everything looks harmonious and you feel comfortable. Pretentiousness and excessive extravagance should not be. Green hair and an abundance of tattoos are not a testament to self-confidence.
3 Respect and love yourself. This is one of the basic rules of confident behavior. Praise yourself for a new look, a goal achieved, or a successful development of valuable skills. Get in the habit of smiling and complimenting yourself in the morning or before going out. In moments of self-criticism, when you find any negative trait in yourself, immediately recall two of your strengths. These are your powerful resources.
4 Preparation adds confidence. Think back to yourself in school: when the lesson was not learned, what fear did you feel when the teacher wandered around the list in the school journal. Be sure to get ready for a significant event, for an important meeting, for a phone call – for any situation that makes you embarrassed. Think carefully about how you will look (style of clothing, makeup, hair), what and how you will say, what actions you have to take. Try to rehearse key points in front of a mirror. Think about what situations may arise and how you should respond to them, for example, what questions you may be asked or what will be answered to your proposal.
The path to overcoming shyness is challenging, but it is justified by a valuable outcome. It is safe to say that anyone who has a strong desire to become a confident person will definitely achieve this. History knows many examples of how individuals with complexes at a young age became famous figures and showed their achievements to the world.