Periodically feeling sorry for yourself is an absolutely normal phenomenon that every person has from time to time. But pity is different. This feeling can drag you into a swamp, and now a person completely ceases to believe in himself, solve problems and normally interact with other people. How to stop feeling sorry for yourself, and why is it so important?
Psychologists say that there are two types of pity – one that motivates and one that kills. A motivating feeling is found in people going through a difficult period in life: divorce, a serious illness of loved ones, dismissal. It lasts a short time, then the person realizes that life goes on and begins a new stage. Painful pity can last for years, developing into depression and panic attacks. And someone even begins to enjoy this, turning painful self-pity into a weapon for manipulating their loved ones and friends. Perverted self-pity can lead to complete degradation, serious health problems and the destruction of your own and someone else’s life.
Non-psychological consequences of self-pity
1.Diseases of blood vessels and disorders of immunity
The feeling of self-pity contributes to the formation of a victim complex – an asthenic reaction to external stimuli. A constant weakened reaction increases the synthesis of acetylcholine – the hormone of “weakness”. A high level of this hormone negatively affects the tone of the vascular system and lowers blood pressure. Over time, the work of the autonomic nervous system is disrupted and panic attacks begin – weakness in the limbs, increased heart rate, constant fatigue, the appearance of cold sweat. The person begins to suffer from unreasonable fears and loses the desire to live.
2. Suspiciousness makes it difficult to recover
People who tend to feel sorry for themselves most often fall ill during seasonal epidemics. Constantly feeling sorry for themselves, they exaggerate the symptoms, panic and do not tolerate even mild colds. Their healing process is delayed for a long time, various complications often occur. Doctors know that immunity is significantly reduced as a result of constant stress. Vitamin deficiency may begin abruptly, digestion deteriorate, diarrhea or stool retention may occur.
3. Depressive disorder
Like all bad habits, self-pity grows, and a person gradually becomes dependent on it. Psychiatrists claim that self-centered people become callous and indifferent to those around them. Pity does not fight stress, but drives it deeper. Tension builds up and deep stress arises, which often escalates into clinical depression. In order to prevent problems from gaining the upper hand over yourself, you need to group in a difficult moment, call on all spiritual forces and remember your positive qualities and victories.
How to stop feeling sorry for yourself
Psychologists believe that in order to get rid of any bad habit, one must admit to its existence. You should especially realize that suffering lasts too long, that pity begins to poison the life of yourself and those around you, and even if it is very difficult, you need to start fighting it. To do this, you need to understand what situations cause acute bouts of pity and find the cause of its occurrence.
At this stage, it is necessary to learn how to replace negative thoughts with positive ones. At first, this may seem like a very difficult, almost impossible task. But gradually the replacement process will be easier. To do this, in the most difficult period, you need to find yourself an activity that evokes positive emotions – walking or playing sports, listening to positive audiobooks or music, talking with an interesting interlocutor. It is especially important to avoid people who cultivate pity for themselves and others, feed it with their emotions, and make it feel over and over again.
Realize responsibility for your life
In many situations, this pathological feeling is a sign of emotional immaturity. Blaming everyone for your misfortunes will only bring relief for a while. You need to start growing up and understand that only you are responsible for your own life. The choice is simple enough – to continue to revel in pity, or to rebuild life and become happy. Of course, running away from reality is much easier than working hard and living on, but the result is worth it.
Set a goal
In order not to use all your free time on self-pity, you need to occupy it with other thoughts and deeds. You can set yourself a real goal and systematically achieve it. For example, to lose 5 kilograms by the summer, learn a new language, earn money for a trip. Any activity that does not leave free time for destructive emotions can be suitable for this.
Letting go of the old life
Often our pity is fueled by old resentments and disappointments, which vividly appear before themselves and make themselves feel sorry again. It is necessary to try to forgive everyone the griefs brought, real and far-fetched, which trigger this process of endless pity. Stop constantly thinking about what happened, it’s time for the past to remain in the past. You need to consign everything to oblivion and start building a new life.