Regardless of whether the divorce is the result of adultery, or you just don’t get along. But divorce can be very difficult to deal with. There are many problems in front of you, you do not know how to survive a divorce, how to tell your friends and family about it, you worry about the divorce process itself, and if you have children together, this process will be even more difficult.
Any kind of breakup generates a lot of negative thoughts and emotions. After all, besides the fact that you yourself suffer emotionally, other people suffer in the same way. Therefore, it is important to know how to properly deal with your emotions during and after a divorce. This will largely determine how you will continue your future life and start new relationships.
The 4 emotional stages of divorce
Easing the pain of separation begins with understanding what to expect during and after the divorce process. No matter how calm and confident you are right now, there will be times when negative thoughts and emotions will overwhelm you. It can actually be quite challenging, but knowing how to deal with those feelings and how to get over a divorce will make this difficult journey easier.
1. Anger and resentment
It is difficult for both a man and a woman to cope with a breakup, especially when you loved a person, and he cheated on you, or betrayed you in another way. In this case, you will feel anger and resentment towards your spouse. For some, this stage is the most dangerous, because anger and resentment destroys the human psyche, and he can commit rash acts. Therefore, you must first of all maintain composure, and how to cope with anger and resentment, we talked about this earlier.
2. “Stage of negotiations”
Time and longing will sooner or later begin to affect both couples. As we said earlier, there is a high probability that one of the partners will want to keep the relationship or remain friends. But it can be too exhausting for both of you, and both of you will start to feel the pain of breaking up again. Therefore, if you decide to put an end to the relationship with this person, then do it without any doubt.
In most cases, depression occurs after the divorce process itself, it can be a week or a month later. But it is at this point that the knowledge of how to deal with a divorce emotionally will come in handy. After all, when you wake up in the morning and understand that your children, wife or husband are no longer around, this will lead you to a state of despondency, depression and melancholy. This is probably the most difficult part after the divorce, you will be hurt from the inside, and it is at this moment that you need the support of your family and friends.
4. Acceptance of the situation
Acceptance is the final emotional stage of a divorce, the stage in which you must accept your life after divorce. Having reached this stage, you need to come to terms with reality, and draw a conclusion from this unfortunate stage in your life. You may still feel angry, sad, lonely, or regretful, but you need to deal with those emotions and move on. You must accept the fact that you are no longer married and that you have failed for the first time or again.
Practical steps on how to get over a divorce
1. Prepare emotionally
Expect to face many emotional challenges. Like any major change in life, divorce has its own difficult emotional stages. In this case, understanding what happened, accepting the situation, and understanding that this is another lesson in your life that will benefit you will help you.
2. Don’t hide your feelings
Do you want to cry? Cry! Want to speak out? Do it! You do not need to keep everything to yourself, you do not need to hide the pain and resentment from parting, and try to show everyone that everything is fine with you, because it is not so. Be honest with yourself and with other people. Don’t hide your tears, and don’t be ashamed to admit your mistakes. Also, feel free to talk to someone about your concerns. You can talk to your friend, relative, or psychologist about this. Do not be afraid to ask for help, you do not need to think and worry that someone will judge you. Know that such people will be there anyway, whatever you do. Therefore, it is better to find those who love and support you.
3. Realize that the pain will pass.
You need to understand that all these problems and negative feelings, like any other life trials, will also pass, but everything takes time, this is life. You must be prepared in advance to go through this recovery process, and realize that you will definitely be all right.
4. Don’t jump straight into new relationships.
Let your heart and mind heal. It’s okay if you’re not ready to love again for a year or more. It’s even good if you are alone for a while. As a result of a divorce, you will have more free time. Which you can direct to improve other areas of your life. For example, find new hobbies and hobbies for yourself. Take care of your health or pay more attention to work, and move up the career ladder.
5. Learn to forgive
Forgive not only your ex-spouse, but yourself as well. If you think you did something wrong, or once again made the same mistake, then forgive yourself. Don’t be angry with yourself and your spouse. Free your mind of negative thoughts, so it will be much easier for you to get over the divorce.
6. Surround yourself with friends
Good friends are always at your service, and divorce is certainly one such scenario. I have gone through two divorces in my life, and in both cases I was strongly supported by my friends. They listened to me, gave me a lot of useful advice and helped me move on. We spent a lot of time on vacation, traveled to other cities and visited very beautiful places. With them, I rested physically and emotionally, and they helped me figure out how to get over a divorce.
7. Let go of the past
Finally, learn to let go of the past along with the hatred in your heart and the hurt you feel. Please note that this cannot happen in a short time – it is a long process. It can take months or even years, but you will recover anyway. Only you must have the willingness and belief that you can overcome everything. Believe that the time will come when you feel better and life will sparkle with new colors.