Divorce is the legal dissolution of a marriage that divides the life of a spouse into “before” and “after”. Some women take divorce as a summing up of a failed relationship and look forward to it to start a new chapter in their lives. However, most of us experience this event very painfully. Our article contains useful tips to help you get through a divorce with the least emotional loss and restore your peace of mind as soon as possible.
Psychological stages of divorce
Divorce is a morally difficult event that causes a violent emotional reaction in a woman. The experiences of divorce can last for several years and have certain stages, each of which has its own characteristics. Psychologists say that divorce is perceived as hard as the death of a loved one, only in this case the husband does not die, but leaves the woman’s life forever.
- Stage One: Shock. Divorce news sounds like a bolt from the blue. The familiar world is crumbling like a house of cards, the earth seems to be leaving from under our feet. At this point, you can notice a disturbance in the perception of time and an inability to experience any feelings. Often people around ask: “How can you react so calmly?” In fact, a woman experiences the deepest emotional shock, but she herself is not aware of her feelings, and even more so she cannot express them. This is a natural defense reaction of our psyche, necessary in order to cope with mental pain. The stage lasts from a few days to 4 months.
- Stage Two: Denial. The woman begins to think that a terrible mistake has occurred and the situation will soon change. She can spend evenings waiting for a phone call from her husband, she can ask friends and relatives about her husband’s behavior. I don’t want to believe that the relationship has come to a logical conclusion, I don’t want to realize the inevitability of life changes. The denial gradually fades away, and the woman realizes the whole reality of what is happening. Finally, she can experience emotions that were suppressed in the first days after the shocking news.
- Stage Three: Anger. A woman feels anger and aggression towards her abuser-husband, and all people who are involved in divorce (mistress, mother-in-law, or children). Also, aggression is manifested towards others who start conversations about divorce. It is very difficult during this period to control her emotions, but a woman must do this so as not to spoil relations with loved ones, because she still needs their support.
- Stage Four: Suffering. This period is especially difficult, since a woman thinks a lot about life with her husband, remembers past events, blames herself for the situation that has developed in this way, regrets her words and behavior. Even those women who have left their tyrant or traitorous husband go through this stage. It seems to them that if at some point in their married life they behaved differently, the husband would not show negative character traits.
- Stage Five: Acceptance of the Situation. The woman resigns herself to divorce and begins to think about how to build her life further. She no longer views divorce as the worst event in her life. Divorce is now seen by a woman as another passed life stage, from which lessons can be learned.
Each of these stages is very important for restoring a woman’s mental balance. If you do not live any of these stages, you will not be able to let go of the situation over time and will return to painful memories over and over again. In this case, it is recommended to sign up for a consultation with a psychologist.
What can you do to make it easier to get through a divorce?
These helpful tips summarize the life experiences of hundreds of women who have gone through a divorce and were able to start a new life. These recommendations have proven their effectiveness even in the most difficult situations and will definitely help you.
- Don’t hold back your emotions. If you want to cry, cry; if you want to scream, cry. Find a way to fully express your feelings so that your soul remains empty for several hours or even days. Take up boxing, run a few kilometers, arrange extreme rest, break the things left over from your husband. After the emotions are gone, over time you will feel the urge to fill your life with something new.
- Sincerely forgive and release your ex-husband from your life. This is not as easy as it seems, it will take some volitional effort from you. Yes, it’s a pity that your love story ended this way, but no one knows what surprises fate will bring you in the future. By letting go of the past, we make room in our heart for new love.
- Do not seek to get rid of loneliness at any cost. Do not clutter your life with casual acquaintances and communication that you do not want at all. At first, loneliness will become a panacea for you, it will help you understand yourself and analyze your thoughts, feelings, emotions and outline the direction of further development.
- However, don’t spend too much time alone. Spend at least one day off a week with family and close friends. Visit public places and entertainment places, go out into nature. Thus, you will be distracted from sad thoughts and get new impressions. Looking at the environment, you will understand that life has not stopped. If you have children, spend as much time with them as possible.
- After a divorce, it is very useful to change the situation and go to another city to stay with relatives or on vacation with children on the seashore. It is highly likely that after the trip you will return as a completely different person.
- Become better than you were. If divorce is a new stage in life, then set yourself up for positive change. Now is the time to start fulfilling your long-standing desires. Change what you wanted in yourself, for example, change your image, sign up for interesting courses, make repairs in your apartment. Set a goal and move towards it every day.
- Take care of your appearance. Surely the difficult period of divorce affected not only your state of mind, but also your appearance. Now is the time to sign up for a beauty salon and gym to get back in shape. When you wake up in the morning, you should see a beautiful and successful woman in the mirror.
- Don’t worry about the fate of your ex-husband. Do not ask mutual acquaintances and children about his life, do not follow him on social networks. Try to empty your apartment of things that are reminiscent of past relationships. If you think about your ex-husband, then every time you mentally thank him for all the good moments that you experienced together. This will help you tune in to a positive mood after sad thoughts.
Divorce in most cases means a radical change in life. For better or worse, it’s up to you. Even if you loved your spouse very much, even if you are in unbearable pain and you are morally crushed, you should accept the changes coming into your life. Nobody knows what will happen next, what fate awaits you and your ex-husband. Perhaps this painful stage is necessary in order for new people, events and relationships to enter your life. After a divorce, you will never be the same: your character will change and become stronger, you will gain life experience and wisdom.