How to understand that the guy is a gigolo and what to do about it?
Alphonses are more like parasites, living off women. At the same time, they can use not only her money, but also completely exhaust her mentally and morally. Such dependents in life are used to receiving everything without making any effort, and taking all the gifts of fate for granted.
In our society, gigolos are treated, to say the least, negatively, despising them for their consumerist attitude towards allegedly beloved women, lack of feelings and inflicting deep heart wounds on their chosen ones. And the stereotypes that such gigolos only hang around rich ladies and self-confident business women of Balzac age have long since become a thing of the past. This applies more to life in metropolitan areas. But in the hinterland, homegrown gigolos do not hesitate to take the latter away from not very wealthy single women, forcing them to sometimes do rash acts in the form of getting stuck in loans and pledging property to financially support their lover. So how do you recognize a gigolo? And what can you do to end such a toxic relationship?
The main reasons why gigolos grow out of men
It is necessary to look for the essence of the problem, as in other cases, in childhood and the peculiarities of upbringing. Most often, gigolos grow up in families where such relationships are noted:
- an authoritarian mother who dictates her own rules and conditions of life, as well as an example of a weak-willed and spineless father, teach a boy from an early age that a woman is more authoritarian and all responsibility can be shifted to her;
- Overprotection from a mother in an incomplete family will also have a bad effect. Excessive concern will turn a son into a faint-hearted man. It is worth fearing flaws in upbringing, when the mother is completely occupied with her development or earnings and pays off her son with expensive gifts. This model will certainly appeal to a little boy. But the trouble is that it is this model that he will put in the basis of his future adult relationships;
- indulging the desires of his son, fulfilling all his whims, blindly worshiping this little angel will very soon turn him into a calculating manipulator;
- A cute appearance, which is praised by family and others, will at first simply provide close female attention, and then teach how to use your innate advantages, receiving benefits primarily in financial terms.
Signs that a gigolo is near you
You can recognize a gigolo in your beloved by several characteristic features in their behavior:
- vagueness of information about one’s own work, which is always presented as a profitable business at the beginning of a relationship, and over time inevitably collapses (dismissal, layoffs, the intrigues of competitors, etc.);
- the occurrence of unpleasant situations in a restaurant, when a companion is forced to pay the bill due to the loss or theft of a wallet, blocking of a man’s card, etc.;
- the rapid growth of the coma of his financial difficulties, requiring constant subsidies from the beloved woman;
- constant manipulation of the chosen one with the help of pressure on pity;
- promises of a serious relationship and marriage with a small reservation – after solving all his material problems;
- excessive courtesy and ostentatious love with numerous compliments, calculated to ensure that the woman is more firmly caught in the snares set apart;
- unwillingness to acquaint with your friends and relatives, as well as a minimum of specific information about your family and social circle – this is how the gigolo protects himself from the attempts of a deceived woman in the future to find her abuser;
- lack of desire to get along with children and friends of his beloved, which is fully explained by the fear of being exposed, because his intrigues without rose-colored glasses are very understandable, therefore, for sure, close people will try to open the woman’s eyes to the unworthy goals of the gigolo;
- a great interest in your finances – the size of your earnings, property, business projects, etc.
If you can note such nuances in your new relationship with a man, be careful – it is very likely that you are dealing with a real gigolo.
But it is also impossible to suspect a meeting with a gigolo in every person who has lost his job or sincerely courteous man. There are three simple ways to help clear up doubts:
- Tell your new admirer right away how financially unsettled you are. The apartment is registered to the sister, the car to the son-in-law, the banks have a bad credit history, which does not allow borrowing. In short, you live on one salary, but you don’t complain. If there was a gigolo next to him, then after such a recognition, his trace will cool down.
- Play with them by his own rules – come up with a heartbreaking story and ask for financial support. Based on the guy’s answer and sympathy, it will be possible to draw conclusions about his consumer attitude towards you.
- Talk directly, voice those problems in his behavior that do not suit you, invite him to change and do something to fix them. A normal man who is interested in continuing the relationship will try to hear you and offer his options for a way out of the situation. For the gigolo, any attempts to correct his behavior are tantamount to an encroachment on his personal rights, so be prepared to meet a complete denial of problems and a quick cooling of feelings on his part.
What other women can get into the gigolo network:
- beauties of Balzac age (regardless of marital status), to whom the attention and courting of a young man will give a second youth and desired feelings. But when the time comes to sum up and calculate the costs of maintaining a loved one, it will be too late. Women are so mired in their love that they simply cannot believe in the deceit of a partner;
- single women without children, seeking to give care and attention to their chosen one, who want to take on all his problems, projecting the model of “mother and child” in the relationship;
- romantic natures, women with low self-esteem, who will not be difficult to conquer, having said a couple of compliments and promising a future happy life together. Having received attention from a man, they will blindly move according to the plan outlined by the gigolo, offering their help and support, looking for the missing resources by any means, just to keep their loved one near them for a longer time;
- authoritarian women who like to have a man in their environment who anticipates her desires and recognizes her as a leader. True, for this you will have to take care of its maintenance, but it will not be difficult for a business woman to pay the expenses of a young and status partner.
How to break the connection with gigolo
What is worth advising women who have become victims of gigolos.
There are also 2 options here:
- continue to blindly love and hope for the duration of the relationship, but at the same time you should not complain that you are being used (“saw your eyes that you bought”);
- urgently run away from a parasitic man and strive to find your happiness in harmonious relationships.
By the way, the question of the gap may not be raised so acutely – when you do not have the means to satisfy the whims of the gigolo, he himself will leave you in search of a new patroness.
So, if it’s not too late, do your best to cleanse your life of the calculating seducer:
- come up with a story of your financial crash and ask him to provide you with financial assistance for the entire period of difficulties;
- tell them that you are sick and now you need expensive medicines, resorts and sanatoriums, for which you will have to spend all your money and need his support;
- persistently ask to introduce him to his friends and family, arguing that you want to get to know him better and are very interested in his life;
- do not hesitate to ask about the place of work, hinting that you would like to somehow look into his office;
- stop providing him with financial assistance and think about how much money he lives on – it is very possible that he uses several women at the same time to satisfy all his desires.
By following at least one of these tips, you will definitely ruin your relationship with gigolo. Be prepared for a violent rebuff from him, his usual pressures for pity and appeals for sympathy. Do not fall for his manipulation and be firm in your decision to leave. To get over the breakup with a person whom you truly love and in whom you are so disappointed, contacting a psychologist will help. He will also be able to choose the optimal algorithm of actions for you, give professional advice, understand, support and guide you on the path of truth. And after the gigolo leaves your life, try to analyze why he chose you as a victim. Make the right conclusions, love yourself and believe in your uniqueness. And then very soon you will be able to meet true love and create a strong relationship with a worthy man.