I think many have come across such relatives who constantly envy us in everything, like to create problems, criticize, and have bad conversations behind our backs. And although the family is very important to us, we love and respect each member of the family. But such envious relatives do not bring anything well into our life. And it is really difficult to realize that envy can be the reason why relatives are ready to spoil relations with us. They can drain us emotionally, cause stress and create headaches. I also had to face jealous relatives in my life. And I am offended that envy and anger arise in our family. Perhaps someone will say that this is human nature, but this is a little different.
What causes family envy?
The fact is that envious relatives may experience problems with their inner self. They may be jealous of not being able to achieve the same results as you. But these are their personal problems, not yours. And you shouldn’t focus too much on this. They must figure out themselves. And you continue to go about your business and go towards your goals. Don’t let these people influence your life and your emotional state.
Try not to pay attention to this. Over time, you will see that their envy will gradually begin to diminish. Try to forgive them, not be offended or angry. This will help you respond more appropriately to their jealousy. Try to put yourself in their shoes. They may be jealous of your relationship with your loved one because they themselves cannot build a long-term relationship. Or they are jealous of your new job because they cannot find decent jobs for themselves.
What are the signs of jealous relatives?
You might think it’s easy enough to spot jealousy, but some people are good at hiding it and don’t show it publicly. According to many psychologists, signs of such relatives can include: criticism, aggressive behavior, gossip, or outright lies. Here are some more obvious signs.
1. Relatives are not happy about your achievements
If you start to notice that your family members are not happy about your achievements. And in most cases, they say that anyone can achieve this. So they envy you. They might say something like, “Anyone can get a promotion. It is not so difficult”. This behavior will be a clear sign of their envy and resentment for not being able to achieve such results.
2. They want to be better than you
Such people do not like to lose, and will try in every possible way to be better than you. This can manifest itself both in everyday affairs and in communication. The main thing in such a situation is not to get bogged down in this need to compete, but to focus on yourself and on working on your tasks.
3. They get angry when you give them advice
Most people don’t like unsolicited advice. But even when you want to sincerely help a person, envious relatives will take it with anger. Jealous people don’t want to know about their flaws. Even though your advice is really helpful and might help them. They will do things their own way, and not take your advice seriously.
4. You feel tension in your relationship.
When you meet them, you feel tension and excitement. And after communication, you feel worse than before meeting them. These signs indicate that there is no normal relationship between you. Relatives should help each other. Encourage any endeavors and endeavors, and not envy your success.
5. They love to criticize you.
If these envious relatives love to find your flaws and say that you need to fix it, this is a sign of their envy. This is often done by people who lack self-confidence, and by such actions they try to show their superiority. They are able to find weaknesses in almost everything. So take their criticism normally, and don’t take it too personally.
How to deal with envious relatives
1. Communicate with them less
You should not completely stop communicating with these relatives, but you have the opportunity to manage them. First, do not let them in your personal life. They do not need to know with whom you are building a relationship, that you have bought a new apartment, expect a promotion at work, or want to change something in your life. You do not want your goals and life events to be the main topics at the dinner table. Only share these things with people who support you.
2. Get rid of guilt
Do not blame yourself for not telling them about your life and distance yourself from them. Now you just want to protect yourself and get rid of their envy. There is such an expression: “to love people from afar” – this is just such a case. Let them know less about you, but not be jealous.
3. Try to avoid frequent meetings with them
If they invite you to dinner, or to some kind of holiday, do not refuse. Just remember not to talk too much about your life. It may be that envious relatives will not invite you to the holidays. In no case should you be offended by them. It’s even better if you limit your meetings with them. What is the point of contacting people if they only make you worse? So don’t be afraid to set boundaries with such people.
4. Avoid clashing eyes
Some people recommend calling a family meeting to discuss the problem of jealousy in your family. But this will only exacerbate the problem. After all, it is very difficult for such envious people to be honest, they will not tell the whole truth, and will not be open. In this situation, the main thing for you is to remain a loving and caring person in your family circle. It may sound strange, but start showing the qualities that you want to receive. Compliment your family members and focus on being a positive person. It may not be easy, but over time, you will notice the results.
5. Take care of yourself first
You can think a lot about envy and the fact that envious relatives do not allow you to live a normal life. However, it is important not to forget about yourself and remain emotionally and mentally healthy. Be calm about their behavior and words. If you start to get angry and nervous, then go for a walk, do what you enjoy, and try not to focus on negative thoughts. It’s okay if you are worried about their actions. Just try not to let anger and hatred consume you.
Reasons for envy of a sibling
Sibling rivalry is extremely common, especially if you are about the same age. Although you are the kind of people who have known each other all their lives, your rivalry as a child can easily turn into jealousy in adulthood. There are several reasons why this is happening.
Influence of parents
Many parents have high hopes for their children. And it is especially difficult if only one child lives up to these expectations, and the other does not. Sometimes the parents themselves encourage unhealthy competition between their children. For example, they may pay more attention to a child who is more talented than another. Thus, they develop feelings in the child that lead to resentment and envy.
Someone achieves results faster
Each of us has certain skills and abilities. Someone in the family may be more persistent and better adapted to solving problems, some less. This can create competition and jealousy. For example, some of you may start a family earlier, buy yourself a house, an expensive car, or build a successful career. And this becomes especially difficult if the person who is less successful does not know how to enjoy the achievements of his brothers and sisters.
What if you are jealous?
It may be that you yourself are jealous of your relative. First, try not to show it. This is usually due to your own insecurities and has nothing to do with the other person. But don’t let these feelings affect your relationship. Try to admit to yourself that you have envy and try to let it go. If you really want to get rid of jealousy, but you are failing, then talk to a qualified professional about it. He will be able to determine the reasons for your envy in a particular situation, and give specific methods how to deal with it.
Also, remind yourself of your positive qualities more often. Each has its own strengths and weaknesses. So remind yourself of what you do well and the positive qualities you have. You can even jot down your strengths in a sticky note and pin them in a prominent place so you can see them daily.