Passive aggression in a relationship is a latent manifestation of anger and anger towards another person. And although we are all completely different people, and we deal with our feelings in different ways. But there is a category of people who are very similar to each other, and they belong to passive-aggressive people.
It is known that people who constantly exhibit passive aggression suffer from various mental illnesses and often face personality disorders. They believe that they are perfect and discredit everything that other people say about them, or their loved one. They can say yes. But they will secretly get angry and come up with different ways not to do what they are asked to do. Because they are afraid to voice their opinion. Such people play the role of a victim, and distort history in such a way as to be innocent.
How passive aggression begins in relationships
As a rule, passive aggression begins in childhood when observing one’s own parents. When one parent refuses to listen to the other, the other becomes upset and angry. As a result, children, as adults, unconsciously choose a partner who creates the same situations. They will also repeat the patterns of their parents’ behavior towards each other.
The partner falls in love with the charm of a passive-aggressive person, in his need, and does not see how this neutralizes the lack of connection between them. A passive-aggressive person blurs the boundaries between his failures, and makes them strangers. Such a person is smart enough. But passive aggression in relationships leads to failure. Because the life together of such a couple is often full of disturbing contradictions.
For example, when a passive-aggressive person hides his feelings, then his partner feels frustrated and shows his anger. They cannot resolve conflicts in a relationship directly, and their differences remain unresolved. Which negatively affects their union. Healthy relationships require openness and timely resolution of various relationship problems.
The spouse of a passive-aggressive husband can also fill several roles. She can be both a victim and a rescuer, and control the situation and everything that happens in their relationship. All of these people seem to be riding an emotional roller coaster, as the passive-aggressive partner continues to covertly influence and manipulate the other.
A passively aggressive person knows very well how to undermine another person’s self-esteem. As a result, this partner feels frustrated and angry, and may feel guilty about the outbreak of anger. A passive-aggressive person, through his innocence and naivety, makes the other feel guilty because he is angry with him, and often makes him apologize to him.
How to deal with a passive-aggressive person
In most cases, a person who resorts to passive-aggressive behavior will find someone like him. There is a certain level of need that attracts this person to look for the same people. A person who is attracted to a passive-aggressive partner usually does not set limits, is not demanding, and is easy to manipulate.
If you are in a relationship with a passive-aggressive person, then you should communicate with him using direct, non-confrontational conversation. That is, to resort to soft and calm communication, without pressure and confrontation. This can help change his annoying behavior.
Passive-aggressive personality disorder is a common way of being and behaving. But this habit persists for life. Fixing this is not an easy task. You will need to start by setting hard limits.
Just don’t blur the lines between your own needs and what you think you can do for him. Stick to the promises you made to yourself. Speak the way you feel. Don’t make excuses when your partner says they can’t do what you asked. Say it is his / her choice and tell how his / her behavior has influenced you and other people.
What to do when dealing with a passive-aggressive partner?
What can you do while in a relationship with such a person? First, become as self-conscious as you can. Observe how you yourself are behaving and what triggers your own reactions to anger. Be vigilant about how the person is shifting the blame onto you. Don’t let him get in the way of your discussions. Try not to let the pressure on you and make you angry.
It may be helpful for you to learn how to manage your emotions so that you can effectively deal with your anxiety. It is important to encourage your partner to make their own decisions, and let them know that doing different things and tasks helps build self-confidence. Try not to criticize his behavior.
Try to be less demanding by asking only what you need and see what happens. Show how distorting the truth creates more problems. Be gentle but direct and try not to be aggressive. Don’t allow yourself to make excuses or apologize for him. Challenge their ambiguity or how the person ignores you. Challenge when he tries to cloud problems with things that are irrelevant to the situation.
And even if he tries to get you to resort to pity as if he is a victim, point out that his behavior is doomed to failure and will not solve anything. Make him more responsible. But be sure to praise the progress he makes. Show that there are good ways to resolve conflicts. Try not to get in the way of him making his own decisions. Your partner may be afraid to admit their fears. So help him work up the courage to deal with those feelings. Say that everyone has fears and that you need to get to know yourself better.
Important points to remember in a relationship with a passive-aggressive partner
Passive aggression in relationships can negatively affect your health and personal life. Your partner will certainly blame you for what is happening. Therefore, it is important that you communicate this behavior to him. Point out when he puffs up and becomes discouraged, and how all of this only makes the situation worse. Show how it closes and how it makes problem solving more difficult. But try to keep the conversation open at all times, and be prepared to listen to it.
Don’t be afraid to show how he is manipulating or controlling the situation, even if the person will vehemently deny it. Show how he uses the tactics of withdrawal, irritability and moodiness. But avoid getting into a power struggle with him. Talk about his latent anger and how it can intensify and cause destructiveness in a relationship. And by hiring a professional in these matters, both of you can express unpleasant feelings in a safe and suitable place for you.
Expressing your feelings correctly will make a big difference in how you both deal with problems. When your partner is silent, tell him that it is upsetting you. Explain that being silent tends to form various assumptions that increase the distance between you.
Try to come to a common compromise or get out of the relationship.
Remember, all relationships are about compromise. So let your partner know you want to compromise and ask them to state their needs. Make him an active participant in solving problems in your relationship. If your partner is reluctant to take this step, then it may be appropriate to point out some of the implications.
If, after everything has been tried and said, but as a result, the person does not hear you, then perhaps you just need to stop wasting so much time and energy on him. After all, this passive aggression in relationships negatively affects your health and personal life. So ask yourself, what do you get from this relationship? Is this person really worthy to be with you? Is he putting his energy and energy into helping your relationship be better?
Perhaps it’s time for both of you to separate and go further in separate ways? Just keep in mind that a passive-aggressive person will take revenge. Therefore, the choice is only yours. But whatever you do, do it for yourself, and with the aim of becoming a happy person, and getting joy and pleasure from the relationship.