The reasons why adultery occurs can be different. But, as a rule, this happens due to the fact that one of the spouses does not receive due attention, and his expectations from this relationship are not met. It may sound too loud, but adultery puts your whole life in jeopardy. Plus, divorce is mentally traumatic for your children and yourself. Many people do not think about it, and yet they risk their marriage and future life.
The main reasons for marital infidelity
1. People want variety in life
The day-to-day life of parenting, career and household chores leaves very little time for romance. Partners begin to miss the carefree and joyful life that they had at the very beginning of the relationship. Many things start to seem boring when all days follow the same scenario. At this moment, many people want variety and changes in life. People start looking elsewhere for the missing fun and romance. This is the most common reason why men and women cheat and cheat on each other.
2. The difference in sex drive
Obviously, some people want more sex than others. This is a biological difference known as libido or sex drive. Therefore, if you marry a person who has too high or too low sex drive, then your sex life will be unsatisfactory for both parties. Because over time, a partner with a higher sex drive will seek sexual gratification elsewhere.
3. Psychological problems
Living habits, daily routines, and unremarkable prospects for the future lead to depression, emotional confusion and anxiety. This is followed by a disregard for family responsibilities, and a desire to find a quieter and more comfortable place on the side. In this way, people try to get away from problems, resulting in marital infidelity.
4. Thirst for revenge
It may surprise you, but revenge is one of the most common reasons people cheat on their partners. Couples will inevitably have conflicts and disagreements in their relationship. And not in all cases they will make concessions to each other and find a compromise. But because of anger and resentment, someone may want to take revenge on their partner, using marital infidelity. By this he wants to satisfy his own ego and deliberately anger his partner.
Money problems can lead to despair and reckless behavior. I’m not talking about those extremes now when women sell their bodies. In most cases, financial problems lead to the aforementioned causes of adultery. Most often these are quarrels, conflicts and emotional disconnection.
6. Problems with self-esteem
Married people often feel that they are attached to their obligations and want more freedom. It seems to them that they are not living their own lives. They can see other couples traveling, relaxing regularly, enjoying life, and wanting the same. But at the moment they do not have this opportunity.
7. Feelings of superiority
This is more true for men. But lately, the feeling of superiority has become one of the common reasons why women cheat on their men. This is because in modern times more and more women are becoming less dependent on their husbands. They earn good money and are able to support themselves. As a result, they have more temptations in life and opportunities to be dishonest.
How to deal with adultery
Infidelity in long-term relationships is most common. As a result, trust is destroyed, and conflicts, resentment and separation arise between partners. After one partner catches another cheating, it seems to us that the relationship will never be the same again, and this is true. Still, if you still love each other and want to be together, there are several ways you can heal your wounds.
1. It is necessary to immediately end the affair
First, the cheating partner must cut off all contact with the other party. That is, with the person with whom he had an affair. Both partners, the one who is unfaithful and the one who is devoted, must make a serious effort to rebuild the relationship. Also, don’t expect a simple recovery process. Each partner should be aware that he or she played a role in the circumstances leading to adultery. Conflicts in marriage occur very often, and they can never arise over just one partner. Therefore, even if one person resorted to infidelity, then both people are still guilty of it. You need to work together to analyze possible causes, and try to prevent them from occurring in the future.
2. Have sincere conversations
Open communication on various topics, including intimate ones, is another mandatory aspect of recovery from infidelity. You and your spouse must promise to be completely honest with each other. Together, you must accept the reality of what happened and sort out the situation. Ask the unfaithful spouse more questions to find out the true reason for the act. Just refrain from details of sexual contacts. This leads to the appearance of indelible and very unpleasant mental images. Each of you should ask yourself. What could he have done to stop the sequence of events that led to the adultery.
When expressing your emotions to your betraying partner, carefully choose which emotions to express directly and which to express in words. For example, crying in response to feelings of pain and resentment can be the best way to communicate your feelings to your partner. Just don’t show your anger directly. It can be too easy to lash out at the person who has caused you so much pain. But this will force your spouse to defend himself, which in turn will anger him. Instead of yelling or scolding your partner, try to explain how you are feeling. This will help the cheater feel empathy and respond to your feelings more openly. It will also contribute to feelings of sadness or guilt that the wrong partner may feel. But do your best to let go of the hurt. And when you hear an apology that feels real and genuine, you can accept it.
3. Take care of your mental and physical health
It is very important for a betrayed partner to monitor their emotional state. If necessary, you will need to be examined by a psychotherapist. Emotional damage is often accompanied by physical and psychological consequences. Such as susceptibility to disease or loss of motivation to live. Spouses who have been betrayed may have low self-esteem. But they must understand that adultery was not only their fault. They should distribute responsibility for this situation equally, allowing them to recognize flaws in their behavior and in the behavior of a partner. Start spending more time on yourself. Start spending time with people who empathize with you and care about you. If you don’t know who to talk to about this situation, consider finding a person or group of people who are experiencing the same problem.
4. Do not resort to revenge and insults
Resist the urge to insult or punish your partner in any way. Try not to hold back forgiveness, but don’t offer it until the time is right. Many spouses who have been deceived by their partner may have a desire to start raising their partner, constantly reproach him for cheating or offend him in some way. This behavior can lead to the complete destruction of the relationship, while your goal should be to understand what caused the adultery. To do this, you must remain calm and listen carefully to your partner’s explanations without criticism. Try to understand what the spouse has learned from this situation and how he or she would like things to change in the future. At the same time, you can ask yourself the same questions. All this talk of infidelity will be difficult and tiring for both of you. Therefore, you can set the duration of conversations on this topic.
5. Resume a regular intimate life
Coping with adultery can be tricky. First, you need to emotionally relive this situation, in addition, find the true reasons for the infidelity, and eliminate them. You need to bring intimacy back into your relationship. Because sex and intimate life is an integral part of rebuilding a troubled relationship. You both need to understand that the marriage you had earlier ended because it got you into a very difficult relationship. Therefore, you need to spend time recovering, and in a sense, remarry. Only on the basis of past negative experience, on new values and new trust in each other.