Family for me is the merging of the lives of two people, each of whom has their own expectations in marriage. Some of them may be realistic, others unrealistic, but most of our desires remain unspoken and unfulfilled. Because overly exaggerated desires can often cause emotional distress, create conflicts in relationships, cause distrust and create many other problems.
Expectations that are too high and unrealistic in marriage often lead to dissatisfaction and breakups. Perhaps your partner has expectations that you never knew about, and all the time you thought that his desires were similar to yours, but in fact they are not at all. Unrealistic plans in family life create too high requirements for the other person, which he is not able to fulfill.
Examples of unrealistic hopes in family life
- You think your partner will make you happy / happy;
- That he can change your boring life;
- Hope he can solve all your problems;
- You think that he or she will change his bad habits after marriage;
- That the partner will guess what you want and will satisfy all your needs;
- Hope that your spouse will be able to influence people who do not love or understand you;
- Think you will agree with your every decision and opinion;
- Will accept all your likes and dislikes;
- You think that there will be no conflicts or disagreements between you. Since you will get along with each other all the time;
- You hope you can live the same way as before. You will also pursue your hobbies and interests.
These were all unrealistic hopes. Which, as you can imagine, create many problems in family life, as opposed to realistic expectations. Which give a clear idea of what to expect in marriage. They also prepare you in advance for various situations. Below we present examples of these hopes.
Examples of realistic expectations in marriage
- You know that marriage requires relationship work, love and commitment to each other;
- Understand that in order to create a happy relationship, you must trust your partner, understand and respect him;
- You expect disagreements between you and your partner will not always agree with you;
- Know that you will have to work hard and help your loved one provide for the family;
- You understand that your spouse should not be your only source of happiness;
- You realize that each person may have different views on a particular situation. Whether it’s finance, parenting, politics, religion, and more;
- Understand that conflicts can arise between you, and you both will have to work to resolve them;
- You understand that you cannot always find a common language with the relatives of your beloved;
- You realize that your spouse can make mistakes in family life, just as you can.
How to deal with expectations in marriage
Try to recognize your desires before entering family life. The point of this action is to be aware of what you really want. And also understand whether your partner will be able to fulfill your hopes. So that as a result you are not left unsatisfied with this relationship. So first of all ask yourself these questions:
- What do I expect from this person?
- How do I see our relationship?
- Family roles. Who will be in charge of the family?
- Household duties. Who and what will do the housework?
- What will you do on the weekend?
- How often would you like to have sex with your spouse?
- How do you plan to educate your children?
- Who will make the big decisions?
- Who will be in charge of finance?
Expectations of a Married Relationship
You don’t have to hope that your marriage will be like what is portrayed in films or TV shows. You don’t need to believe in a fairy tale in which your life will be filled with passion, romance and incredible love. Be a more realistic person and be mindful of everything. You have to expect that you will have to become one with your spouse if you want a lasting relationship with him.
Expect to have to help your spouse in difficult situations, to take care of him when he is sick and unable to work. You will have to prepare breakfast, lunch, and dinner in the evening every morning. You will have to work hard. And because of this, problems can arise in your relationship. Don’t think that you can buy yourself a big house or apartment right away. Expect to spend a lot of time on your kids, parenting, and keeping your home clean and comfortable.
Try to understand and appreciate your desires.
When you consciously approach this question, and list everything that you expect from your spouse and from family life, you can assess how much your expectations in marriage can be realized. Perhaps your hopes arise from your parents’ relationship, maybe because of your own dreams and desires. Perhaps you enjoy watching TV shows, watching melodramas, reading various relationship websites and forums, so you shape your hopes. But, as we said earlier. You should only listen to yourself and listen to your desires and dreams. This is the only way you can really understand what you want from a relationship with this particular person.
Share your expectations with your partner
This is a really important moment, both for you and for your loved one. When you genuinely share your desires with your spouse. When you voice your needs and wants before you get married, you are giving your partner the opportunity to decide if he can meet your wants and needs, or if it will be too difficult for him. This is a must if you want to build a happy relationship with your loved one. As a result, this process will help both of you understand what is real or unreal in your relationship. In addition, you should remember that expectations can change over time, so this point should also be discussed with your spouse. And when each person understands their desires and expectations in marriage, it will definitely strengthen the relationship, and create a solid foundation for a long family life.