After several years of living with my husband, I decided to analyze our wedding and relationship in order to share useful conclusions with you. I have compiled some basic tips that each partner needs to know before the wedding, so that their union in the future is more stable and happy.
The fact is that when I consider acquaintances and their marriages, it becomes clear that many make the decision to marry rashly. Before the wedding, we are often surrounded by various problems, financial difficulties, quarrels, misunderstandings, and we just turn a blind eye to this. So here are a few important things you need to know before getting married.
1. Ability to compromise
When I was alone, I made a decision to get another cat or not. Or, when I moved to another city and changed jobs, I did not need anyone’s permission or approval. I didn’t have to take into account anyone’s feelings and desires. However, in marriage, everything happens differently.
Now I have to consult with my husband in everything and find a common compromise. This is a really important part of building a successful relationship. You may have moments when you will need to make a different choice for the sake of a loved one at the expense of your own desires.
The willingness of partners to compromise is what you need to know before the wedding. If someone alone does not have the desire to compromise, then serious problems will arise in your relationship. And don’t be surprised if this happens in two or three years, just be ready for it.
2. Control over money
Money is a huge and very important topic, especially when it comes to getting married. Who will take care of the family budget, pay bills, control expenses? Most people don’t even think about it when they get married. And there are those who marry with debts and serious financial problems. This negatively affects further family life. You will also need to consider other issues. You need to save money for a new car, for an apartment, for repairs, furniture and much more. You have to be prepared for big financial expenses.
Currently, because my husband works hard to build a successful career, I am in finance. Our final plan is that I keep track of our expenses and income every day, and at the end of the month I summarize them and inform my spouse.
Therefore, you must decide how each of you will manage money in a marriage, and who will handle financial accounting. This is especially important if one person prefers to save and the other does not.
3. Collaboration at home
90% of disputes in the first year of marriage are related to cleaning and washing dishes. So housework is another big dilemma when two people decide to get married. Obviously, in the past, you calmly dealt with household chores, because you lived alone. But after marriage, everything will change.
Therefore, I suggest that you discuss this before the wedding. The point is to set the right expectations on both sides so that one partner doesn’t feel like a housekeeper. Housework should be evenly distributed. And being a woman does not mean that a wife has to handle everything. My suggestion is to make a plan of what to do around the house and who will do it.
4. Planning for the future
What else do you need to know before getting married? So this is where you both will be in five to ten years. Setting goals in relationships and marriage is also important. Because making a decision about marriage without joint plans for the future is a road to nowhere. Many problems can be resolved before they arise if you plan ahead for the future years of your life together. This means discussing where you will live, how to make money, how to rest, how to raise children, and much more.
There should be no secrets between you. So that it is not so that you do not know that your husband wanted to have children right away, and you want to build a successful career in the coming years. Or you were expecting to buy an apartment, and he wants to spend money on a new car. You should discuss living conditions, money, children, relocation, career, major purchases, as well as your goals and plans for the future.
These are the things that should be discussed openly so that they do not cause controversy later. It’s also a good opportunity to learn how to compromise. In the end, both of you will be happy with the final result.
Another big issue to discuss in advance is when will you have children. If you both really want children, then a whole host of other questions arise. Not that you have to sit down and talk about everyone right this second. But it is important to make sure that you are “on the same page” before getting married.
The most important of these is the upbringing and discipline of children. This is what you need to know before getting married. How will you raise your children? After all, you both grew up in different families, with different parents and different parenting styles. Perhaps one had a brother or sister, the other did not. My husband has four brothers and sisters, and I had none.
So think about how many children you want to have? How would you like them to be brought up? Public school, private or home? And many other questions. I understand that all these decisions do not have to be firm and resolved right now, but won’t that make life easier in the future?
6. Trust and intimate life in marriage
I know it sounds crazy to discuss before marriage. But like everything else, you need to do this so you don’t get discouraged later. Discuss what you will do if trust begins to fade, or if one of you begins to cheat or cheat?
The key here is setting a precedent for open communication between the two of you. Even if you don’t like it, as a result, you will learn to kindly accept the other person’s feelings, not to get angry and not lash out at him with accusations.
You will learn to identify your spouse’s strengths and weaknesses. Learn to understand and respect his wishes. Always support and help each other. Talk about whatever comes to your mind. Be open about everything. Get to know each other better before marriage. This is the only way to be well prepared for family life.
Ideally, you should have a steady stream of healthy communication throughout your relationship. You must treat the other person’s feelings with respect and a desire to make them happy. You must start building healthy relationships early in order to have joy and pleasure in your marriage.