What if my boyfriend is trying to control me?
I receive many emails and messages about control in relationships where one partner influences the other. Most of the time, girls come to me who want to understand why the guy is trying to control them. I have been studying psychology for more than 10 years, and due to the fact that there are a lot of such questions, I decided to analyze this topic in more detail and share it with you. There are many men (and women too) who are very cunning in controlling their partner. So cunning that it’s hard for you to resist. You may not even be aware that you are being influenced emotionally until one day you wake up and realize that you are completely under the influence of this person.
Signs that a guy is trying to control you
1) He manipulates
Beware of emotional manipulation. If you find yourself changing your behavior to please him, then the man is trying to control you. Sometimes a guy may hint that he is too vulnerable for you to be attached to him.
2) he gets angry
When a guy tries to control, he becomes angry. He gets angry when you say that you are dating your friends or acquaintances. Controlling people hate to be excluded from social society. He will start criticizing your friends and their behavior. Its goal is to remove you from society.
3) the guy is overwhelming you
He will try to suppress your efforts to do something without his participation. Let’s say you are a self-sufficient woman, you earn good money. Do well with all household chores and lead an active lifestyle. In this case, the man will try to find mistakes in your work in order to undermine your confidence and self-esteem.
4) Constant criticism
This is another sign that a man is trying to control a woman. A guy might say that he wishes you all the best and wants you to be the best. But the ultimate goal is to make you feel like an insignificant person.
5) He sets conditions
This can manifest itself when a man forces you to align yourself with his ideal image. For example: “You could look sexier if you dressed like this girl.” He constantly gives advice on what you should do, how to dress and what to say.
6) the guy makes you guilty
This can happen in any situation. As a result, you will feel guilty because you cannot meet its requirements and standards.
7) He’s watching you
It is now easy to install a hidden application on your phone that will report your location, monitor your calls, text messages and emails. And you won’t even know about it. Signs that a husband is following his wife when he even knows what you did not tell him.
8) He blames you for everything
Let’s say you smiled and thanked the waiter at the restaurant. After that, the guy will begin to accuse you of meeting this person and trying to flirt with him. This behavior shows how paranoid he becomes.
9) Constantly laughs at you
He loves to play a trick and laugh with you, and he does it in a circle of other people. Thus, it wants to lower your self-esteem and undermine your confidence.
10) Doesn’t let you hold a personal point of view
You may have communication problems. The man will interrupt you during a conversation and will not listen to what you are talking about. By all our actions, we will show that your point of view is useless and meaningless.
Why does a man control a woman
1) He does it unconsciously
Very often, a man may not even realize that his need to control is unreasonable. This may be due to his upbringing when he saw his father’s bad attitude towards his mother. Or vice versa, his mother was the dominant person in the family, and he made a decision that he would never take such a position in the relationship.
2) Fear of separation
The most common reason for men to control a woman is for fear of losing her. They believe that control is the best way to keep a girl and be with her at all times.
3) Lack of self-esteem
Another common reason why a guy controls a girl. He uses a woman as a means of raising his dignity. By suppressing you, it gives him a certain level of superiority.
4) he thinks he is doing it for good
Sometimes a man thinks that he is doing this for your own good. Men are programmed to solve problems and women are programmed to be empathetic. But they do not understand that it only harms you.
How to deal with a controlling partner
If the guy is trying to control you, try talking to him. He may not be fully aware of his behavior. And once you point out that this is unacceptable, the guy can change his attitude towards you. If you start noticing that he is back in control again, feel free to say, “You’re trying to control me again,” or something similar to remind him of his wrong behavior. Sometimes it takes courage to admit that things aren’t going well in your relationship.
Don’t be afraid to ask friends or acquaintances who have been in this situation for advice. People like to help and give advice. Better yet, seek professional help from a specialist in these matters. He will give you clear recommendations on how to get out of this situation, and you can make a plan to solve this problem. The transition from a difficult relationship to a happy one can be difficult, and a lot depends on both partners. So work to unravel your shared commitments and concerns.
If you have done your best, and the man continues to control you, then you should think about ending the relationship. For many, this can be difficult because they love their partner. But if you feel a serious threat to your mental health, then it’s best to leave.
Consequences of control
One of the characteristics of control is that guys don’t like to let go. The man will do his best to keep the girl or bring her back, and will use various methods. He will start promising that will change, he will beg you to come back, try to charm you again, even threaten you. Will start chatting with friends and ask them to talk to you. If he does not succeed, then he will start spreading lies about you. Will try to contact your loved ones and tell them how bad you have been in the relationship.
Don’t fall for any of the above. You may believe that he will change his behavior and no longer control, but deep down he will still have this desire. In most cases, the guy tries to control the girl out of jealousy. The only advice that can be given is to break up with such a person. If you are too scared to leave, then get help. If you remain silent and stay in this relationship, you will suffer even more in the end.