Some women compare an evil husband to an active volcano. They are constantly in a state of vigilance and expect that it is about to explode. Even a small outburst can immediately throw him off balance and ruin your mood. Although previously you did not notice this for him. You had a great relationship, but at some point your husband became angry and you don’t know how to deal with it. I would like to share my knowledge on this topic. Since I had to consult people with such problems quite often.
Why does a man become angry and aggressive
There are many reasons why your husband became angry and treat you badly. Some of them are mainly related to mental and physical problems that are difficult for him to solve.
While some people associate high testosterone levels with increased anger, studies have shown that men with low testosterone levels are more irritable and prone to mood swings. Various factors such as diet and sleep quality can affect testosterone levels. Many men suffer from low levels.
Low serotonin levels
One of the key neurotransmitters in our brain is serotonin. It plays a significant role in the emotional and mental health of a person. If we have too little of it, we become irritable and aggressive. Just as with low testosterone, our sleep habits and quality of sleep determine serotonin levels.
Cortisol is a stress hormone that can cause irritability and sleep problems. If your husband is under severe stress at work, sleeping poorly and eating poorly, this can turn him into a completely different person. The constant annoyance of your husband trying to live up to your male ideal can wear him out. Focusing on a steady job and making money can lead him into a state of stress and depression. His mental state will deteriorate significantly, and this will manifest itself in outbursts of anger and anger.
Unresolved emotional problems are often the cause of aggression and anger. Instead of solving them, men try to forget about them, but this is not easy, because over time they reappear in their minds. At this moment, men do not know how to be, and begin to show anger and negative emotions.
What if my husband becomes angry?
Here are a few steps to take when this problem occurs in your family. The main thing is to always try to calmly and naturally approach conflicts. The situation can very easily get out of hand if you both get angry and yell at each other.
1) Do not be afraid of your husband’s anger
Know that anger and anger arise from a lack of strength. Often because the person has no control over the situation. Think of it as a child’s cry, not a lion’s roar.
2) Think about your actions
Consider if you played a role in making your husband angry. At this point, you need to be honest. If you have done something wrong and caused a conflict, then you need to take responsibility for your actions and apologize for them. However, if you haven’t done anything wrong, then try to help him figure out what his problem is.
3) Getting angry is like a habit for a person
Often times, anger is simply a condition caused by the most commonplace events. It is not your fault that he has problems at work or that his favorite football team has lost the match. So never take the blame on yourself if you haven’t done anything wrong.
4) don’t try to take the reins
You shouldn’t try to control your husband’s anger. First of all, don’t try to change it, because it won’t work. This can only be done by the person himself. All you need is to control yourself and your emotions.
5) Understand that anger is a form of suffering
You need to understand that when a man yells or is rude to a woman, he is insulting himself first. Initially, anger makes the person feel strong and in control of the situation, but this behavior slowly burns and consumes him from the inside. After all, this stereotypical sense of “masculinity” has a boomerang effect on a person’s physical and emotional health. If you are aware of this, then you will have an understanding of the causes of human suffering.
6) Anger is weakness
Despite the way it is often portrayed in our lives, anger is not strength, but weakness. My spiritual master has a saying that I really like: “Big dogs don’t bark. They don’t need it. ” Strong and confident men should not “bark”, only people who are insecure do it.
7) use humor
When you are in a difficult situation, your husband has become angry and aggressive, remember that positive emotions are the best medicine for you and him. Think about some of the things that make him smile. Be positive about him and do not show aggression in return.
Methods of dealing with a husband who has character problems
- “Don’t add fuel to the fire.” Anger has an important trait – it’s temporary. So, if your husband becomes angry, then after a while he will still calm down. Trying to fight him will only increase his negative emotions. Remember that anger will pass, but what you say to each other can “leave scars in your memory” forever.
- Wait until he calms down. Understand that the body is an energy system and it takes time for this energy to calm down. As a rule, the adrenaline effect dies out after at least 20 minutes. When he calmed down, only then talk to him.
- Set your boundaries. The biggest mistake I see is that spouses do not clearly define the boundaries of what is allowed in their married life. And establishing and communicating them to your husband is one of the most effective methods of managing anger in the home.
- Know when to have your say. The greatest generals know that they can only fight in those battles in which they can win. They don’t waste their resources on what they can’t. The fewer battles you fight, the more powerful they will be. Not only will they strike a bigger blow, but you are more likely to surprise your husband and win in the situations that really matter to you. Of course, it’s not about winning or losing. Rather, it is about remembering which problems are worth solving and which ones can be skipped.
- Do not be disrespectful. This is especially true for a condescending and dismissive attitude. It is not constructive for him, let alone you. In addition, a man mistreats a lady in cases where no one disputes his behavior. If he knows he can get away with it, he will tell you hurtful things to boost his ego. Therefore, if your husband is mistreating you, you must put an end to it. Make it clear that you will not tolerate such disrespect from the person who has taken an oath to love you for the rest of his life.
- Apologize when necessary. This is such a common sense step that I didn’t even want to mention it. However, it is worth repeating, if your husband became angry and aggressive, and you clearly did something bad and provoked a conflict, then just take responsibility for it and say “sorry”. Nothing soothes a person like a sincere apology. Make sure it’s really sincere and doesn’t include a “but” in the apology. If you use it, you deny your apology.
- Proper nutrition. What does your husband eat? Are there a lot of unhealthy foods in your diet? Good nutrition is very important for a person’s physical and mental health. The expression “we are what we eat” really rings true here. If he eats nutrient-deficient foods, it is not surprising that he has emotional problems. Therefore, add more fresh food, meat, fish and poultry to your diet. Make sure your foods contain all the essential vitamins B, C, E, zinc, selenium, omega-3, and quality multivitamins. With proper nutrition, your boyfriend’s mood and irritability will certainly improve.
General tips for dealing with an angry husband
Don’t get angry in return
If you withstand his verbal onslaught and remain relaxed and calm, he is likely to be embarrassed by his behavior. He will think about it and want to improve. In addition, he will begin to respect you more for your calmness and understanding.
Know when to leave
If your husband becomes angry and aggressive, then he makes your life miserable and you cannot find a common language with him. Should you reconsider the situation and think about whether you can build a normal relationship with him? Or maybe you’d better just leave? Just do deliberate actions. And remember, abusive relationships are not in anyone’s best interest. When there is a lot of anger and anger in the house, everyone suffers: you, your husband, children, loved ones, and even your pets.
Your reflection is the key
Several philosophers have studied this question deeply. They advise us to follow the path of developing awareness and avoid reacting to anger. Better understand why the person became angry and aggressive. Determine the reasons that led him to this state. If you understand that your actions contributed to this behavior, then try to help him. But even if it’s not your fault, try to understand why your loved one is behaving this way. By doing so, you will avoid causing more suffering to yourself and the other person.
Compassion is critical
If your husband has become angry, but you are a patient person, then you can convince him that only compassion for each other will save and maintain your relationship. Compassion is the elixir of life that heals all wounds and lifts you to new heights.