The birth of a baby in a family becomes a great joy. But this event is preceded by plans, expectations, and sometimes big doubts. The spouse, who is so tender and reverent for his half, may suddenly begin to categorically protest against the birth of heirs. The reasons why your man or husband doesn’t want children (or one child) can vary. Sometimes a confidential conversation with a loved one can turn the situation in a favorable direction. If you can’t cope on your own, then you should seek advice from a psychologist.
Why a spouse doesn’t want to have children: fears and doubts
The parental instinct manifests itself in different ways. From the first minutes, the expectant mother feels the beating of a new life, she gradually gets used to the idea that a soul mate will soon be born, connecting the pieces of loving parents. The man does not realize and does not feel this unity. The fact that you will have to change your usual way of life, divide your spouse’s attention with someone else, incur additional financial costs and solve a whole bunch of problems, causes protest.
The memory of childhood, when parents quarreled over parenting and care, also leaves an imprint. A negative reaction to conversations indicates that he does not want children, because he is not mentally ready for this.
Each person’s desire to continue the race wakes up at different times, but for a woman, the term comes earlier, as physiological readiness, and for a man, the transfer of experience and accumulated knowledge is important, which occurs closer to 30-35 years. In addition to psychological barriers, there are other reasons for refusal.
Happiness is not measured by money, but the level of comfort in life depends on them directly. In some aspects, the man is right when he says that the child needs to be provided with everything he needs. I recommend not to put pressure on your half, but to try at this time to think about the true reasons for the refusal and look with an open mind:
- whether the spouse will be a caring father;
- will he be able to find a place in his heart for a baby;
- how much he can resist the increased responsibility.
It is worth waiting a little, looking closely at your spouse. If the husband said that he does not want children because of money, then sometimes it helps to jointly calculate the upcoming expenses and financial plans.
Fear of losing freedom
The subconscious fear that the list of urgent things to do with the birth of a baby will increase and take away some of his free time, limit a man’s desires and opportunities, and also becomes the basis for unwillingness to have a child.
Then comes the understanding that family and continuation in children is very important, but first, personal freedom is more expensive. If a girl thinks about why my boyfriend does not want children and even considers talking about it unpleasant, then it is likely that he has not yet matured and perceives family relations as a free form of communication without obligations.
When a boy grew up in a purely female environment, did not have before his eyes a model of a responsible and caring father, then a feeling of fear for his capabilities may arise. The other side is too much responsibility when parents instilled that everything should be done perfectly. Both options generate inner insecurity, which becomes a brake on accepting the idea of fatherhood.
Fear of deteriorating relationships
In a harmonious union, there comes a moment when there is so much love that it requires an exit and a happy child appears who bathes in the rays of parental attention. But when a man is selfish and requires relentless care, then the thought of a new family member begins to feel jealous. Nothing has happened yet, but he is already greedy and trying to delay the moment of the baby’s birth for the longest possible period.
There is only one advice on what to do if a man does not want children from a woman because of the fear of changing relationships. Let your spouse know that he is irreplaceable in your life. If the hints do not reach, then tell him about it directly and more than once. Convince him that he will still remain the center of your universe, but will shine 2 times brighter as he becomes a father.
Fears that a woman’s character will change during pregnancy and childbirth, and not for the better, require a separate study. I advise the couple to come to me for a consultation and try to clarify the situation. Often, after hearing from an outsider the statement that the fears are groundless, the spouse calms down and begins to look at the situation even with a grain of humor.
Husband does not want children due to health problems
This is a very serious issue that requires careful consideration. If there are serious or chronic diseases in the family of the spouse, perhaps he is right, not wanting to condemn the heir to the same existence. This form of care must be treated with understanding.
It is another matter if a man is infertile, but does not know about it or does not want to admit his insolvency to his wife, fearing to be abandoned. Many are indignant at the offer to undergo an examination, insisting that everything is in order. We’ll have to go by the opposite method and visit the specialists for the woman.
Fear of changing something in your life
Any family develops like a living organism and cannot initially be static. There will still be changes, but what kind depends only on the spouses themselves. It will be up to the woman to decide what to do if the guy doesn’t want a child. There will be no help from my husband in this matter. In the case of a partner’s categorical unwillingness to change their lifestyle, it is worth thinking about further prospects for living together.