What if the mother-in-law turns her husband against his wife?
Two women are madly in love with one man. And this is not a nightmare about the infidelity of a loved one and not a figment of the imagination, but a very real situation in the family, if the spouse is not an orphan. The conflict between the daughter-in-law and the mother-in-law is a common situation, because they both fight for the man’s love, his attention, time, and sometimes even finances.
Oddly enough, there are more jokes among the people about the relationship between a son-in-law and a mother-in-law, but in practice it turns out that mother-in-law most often either does not climb into the young family at all, or behave ideally. Of course, not all polls, otherwise they would not say so. But for the most part.
At the beginning of family life, at first, there is a grinding in of characters at the household level, but if over time misunderstandings and quarrels do not stop, all family members suffer. The situation can develop in such a way that the mother-in-law, knowing how to influence the precious son, turns the life of the newlyweds into a military opposition. So much so that yesterday’s bride runs away, dropping her slippers in the hope of saving herself, not thinking about the family at all.
Types of mother-in-law
- The owner. She will find things to do for your husband at any time of the day: go to the country house, help with repairs and a million more important assignments that speak of his love, loyalty and gratitude for giving birth to him and raising him. This type can be identified even before the wedding, and if she does not like it during the candy-bouquet period, then she will treat her beloved son in such a way that marriage will become a real feat on the part of the faithful.
- Benefactress. Continuously gives his valuable advice with or without. It doesn’t matter to her whether someone is interested in her opinion. He persistently offers his help, especially in household matters. Forcibly conducts master classes on housekeeping, because her precious child should live in cleanliness and comfort, and there should be a three-course dinner on the table.
- Competitor. Similar to the type from the previous paragraph, only it has a bias towards criticism. He believes that his son’s wife is a disgusting mistress, mother and, undoubtedly, the worst wife in the whole wide world. If the daughter-in-law succeeds, it is only thanks to the financial assistance and the merits of the spouse. When something does not go according to plan, then, of course, only the daughter-in-law is to blame. Her child deserves a better party. Only this is difficult to find, except for herself.
- Intriguer. Spreads rumors that his son’s wife is insane, to all relatives and friends. In person, she herself is helpfulness, and to direct questions she replies that the daughter-in-law has mixed something up, and then squats on her son’s ears with complaints about how badly his wife treats her.
- Angel. He only takes care of his life. Only gives advice and helps if asked to do so. Gold, not mother-in-law.
Adults can always find a common language and come to a consensus, even if they are prejudiced against each other from the very beginning. The main rule in building relationships between the older generation and newlyweds is in no case to live in the same territory.
Undoubtedly, such a situation provokes parting, and sometimes is fraught with the appointment of alimony or scandalous courts, tears, tantrums and the division of jointly acquired property.
Consider how a daughter-in-law should behave if the mother-in-law sets her husband against his wife. To understand which line of behavior to choose with the mother-in-law, it is necessary to determine what type it belongs to, and already make a start.
What to Do – 4 Steps to Overcoming Conflict
- First of all, in no case should you involve your spouse in women’s squabbles, otherwise you can find yourself in a triangle, and far from being a love one, where the daughter-in-law will act as a victim, the faithful will be the savior, and the mother-in-law will be the attacking side. Roles in this triangle may vary depending on the circumstances. And sooner or later the wife herself will become the attacker, and the offended mother-in-law is transformed into a victim. This scenario of the development of events leads to a breakdown in family relationships.
- Define boundaries. This task falls entirely on the shoulders of the young wife. If, for example, parenting, closets in the bedroom or kitchen are prohibited places for third parties, this should be explained to the mother-in-law without ultimatums and tantrums.
- It is impossible to think out and let go of the mother-in-law sarcastic remarks. With any reproach, it is important to clarify what the mother-in-law had in mind and share with her her opinion about the situation. And then thank her for what she noticed. The dialogue must be built constructively.
- It is not recommended to respond to criticism and assessment with aggressive behavior. It is important to abstract from what has been said and respond with something spatial.
Sometimes it happens that the daughter-in-law transfers her unresolved conflict situations with her mother to her relationship with her mother-in-law. Here it is required to conduct a comparison analysis and seek help from a family psychologist. If the mother-in-law refuses to enter into dialogue, and, despite the efforts made, continues to devalue the merits of the daughter-in-law, then it is worth considering how to limit communication and distance herself.