Do you, just like me, dislike asking for forgiveness in most cases, or simply don’t know how to apologize correctly? Perhaps you’ve sent an apology message a lot but haven’t been answered? If these situations often happen to you, do not despair. Most likely you are just doing something wrong. Check out our tips on how to apologize to someone right so that your chances of forgiveness are much better the next time.
1. Admit What You Did Wrong
Many of us do not know how to properly apologize, because it is difficult for them to admit their mistake and the fact that they hurt someone. You need to be a confident person in order to admit your mistake and apologize. In addition, psychologists have confirmed that it is much more difficult for a person with low self-esteem to apologize than a person with high self-esteem.
Guy Winch, a licensed psychologist, claims that those who refuse to apologize in this way simply want to protect themselves. Because admitting a wrong act would call into question their decency. Therefore, when we approach a situation consciously and really want to fix it, we show our emotional maturity and strong character. When we apologize for situations in which we were wrong, we become an honest person who deserves respect.
2. No need to make excuses
A correct apology includes accepting responsibility for your mistakes and avoiding inappropriate excuses. Awareness of your bad behavior shows that you are taking the situation seriously enough, you have thought it over and made a decision. This is very important for you and for the person you want to ask for forgiveness.
Recently, the son of a good friend of mine was diagnosed with autism. She shared this with me and did not want to tell anyone else. I had to inform our school doctor about this, who in turn told the other parents. A friend was offended by me and did not want to talk. Then I decided to apologize to her for this act. I went up to her and explained why I did this. And she said the following: “I am very sorry for your problem and I want to ask your forgiveness for what I told others without your consent. I hope you can forgive me. ”
3. Don’t blame the victim
Unfortunately, many people do not know how to apologize correctly and try to justify themselves. As a result, they blame the person they did wrong. It may sound like this: “I’m sorry that this happened, but you yourself saw the situation. What would you do in my place? ” In this way, you transfer your guilt to the other person. Try to choose your words more carefully when talking with a person and not judge him, moreover, if you were wrong.
4. Think about the specific situation
When making the right apology, it’s important to focus and think about the situation. Many people find it difficult to come to terms with their mistake and they resort to memories of past moments in which this person was also wrong. It can be anything. Unanswered social media posts, being late for a meeting with you, or chatting with your ex. In fact, this is a bad strategy that only makes the situation worse and can completely ruin your relationship.
5. Try to apologize in person, not in writing.
Oral apologies are far superior to written apologies because they are face-to-face communication. You see the expression on the other person’s face, and the person sees your emotions and feelings. You should be close to him, because if the person is too sensitive, then he may burst into tears and you will need to comfort him. So don’t hide behind a keyboard, be brave and open-minded. In addition, verbal apologies and lively emotions more accurately convey the meaning of what was said, in contrast to the text. The victim can think about the message you wrote for a long time and will interpret it in his own way.
6. Never add a “but” to an apology.
When you ask someone for forgiveness, do not use such expressions: “Sorry, but you did it first, or I’m sorry, but you provoked me.” This sounds like an excuse and thus you want to shift some of the blame onto the injured party. Many people cannot apologize correctly because they use the wrong phrases and too many words. Using a bit of “but”, an apology becomes almost useless, because with it you want to justify yourself and look not so bad in the eyes of the offender. Never make excuses, this will only make it worse.
7. What to do after an apology
After apologizing, it is important to ask, “Will you forgive me?” You have already said what you planned, and now you need to hear the answer to what your partner will say. This is an important step, as you give him the opportunity to express his opinion and say what he thinks about your action. Many people skip this step because it makes them feel uncomfortable. They are afraid that they will not be forgiven. However, this must be done, because the person may not yet be ready to forgive you right away, and will say that he will think about this situation again. In addition, in some cases you may need to make a second apology if the person has taken a long pause and cannot make a decision.
8. Change your behavior
Despite the fact that we apologize, we often forget one important thing. This is to change your behavior and attitude towards this person. For this we may need more time to think over the situation again and admit our mistake. When a person sees that you really regret what you did and want to fix the situation, he will begin to trust you again and you can restore your relationship.