These people are always ready to help. Give up your plans to please relatives, stay late at work, fulfilling a colleague’s request, helping those in need and saving those in trouble. These people are extremely environmentally friendly and friendly to those around them. Because they never refuse. But hardly anyone thinks about what this help costs them. Indeed, often trouble-free people do this not because they want to earn another plus in karma, but because they simply do not know how to refuse. How do you learn to say no and not feel guilty about it? If this question is relevant to you, this article will be useful to you. Its purpose is to show how important it is to realize the value of your own efforts and the time spent. The ability to say no is a valuable skill in building invisible defenses around oneself against manipulators. Therefore, if, refusing to help, you still suffer from feelings of guilt and insecurity, you have something to work on.
Where do trouble-free people come from?
From childhood, at school and at home, we were taught to be good. They taught me to help the elders, to support the younger ones, to please loved ones with good behavior, and to study excellently. All these instructions do not resonate with the truth. It was they who formed in us full-fledged members of society with moral qualities and the ability to compassion. However, in the subconscious of trouble-free people, the need to help was based not on a natural desire to do it, but on a sense of guilt.
The roots of the problem, as is the case in the overwhelming majority of cases, are in the past. Once, parents and other senior mentors, guided by a harmless desire to form a highly moral personality in their child, made a mistake. They instilled in the little man that by refusing to lend a helping hand, he would become bad, disagreeable, rejected. Such a program is another manipulative lever based on fear. Growing up, such a person helps, as it were, out of hand, sacrificing his interests, principles, plans and time. Having no real threat, he continues to be afraid, so it becomes easy money for manipulators who shamelessly sit on his neck.
It is possible and vital to stop these self-torture. Stopping saying “yes” where it is necessary to cut off a decisive “no”, you will throw off the burdensome burden of other people’s problems and become more confident in looking at the world.
Where to begin?
“Flashing” must be installed based on beliefs without a doubt. You must understand what your “no” will give you and take responsibility for its consequences solely on yourself. If the rejection causes discontent, resentment, and even a breakdown in the relationship, then you are doing everything right. The manipulators simply detach from you.
Be prepared for the fact that others will perceive such changes with hostility. Barbs and remarks may sprinkle, they say, before you were not so selfish and insensitive. At such moments, it is important not to break down. It is a firm conviction and awareness of your own righteousness that will not let you fall into a civil war within yourself. After all, living the way you want does not mean being reputed to be selfish. The egoist wants you to live as he pleases.
How to say no firmly and confidently? Realization of its undeniable advantages will help you to do this:
- “No” will relieve you of the responsibilities that the manipulators have heaped on your shoulders;
- “No” will protect against many other people’s problems;
- “No” will strengthen self-esteem and give confidence;
- People who can say no are more respected;
- People who have managed to achieve success and gain the status of charismatic personalities say “no” more often than “yes”.
The first and foremost step is moral readiness. Readiness for misunderstanding of others, insults and reproaches. This is the sacrifice that must be made in order to start a new life. But, it will more than pay for itself. Remember this in moments of doubt.
How to learn to refuse correctly?
Correct rejection techniques are psychological tricks through which you can act with confidence. Depending on the nature of the opponent and the situation, it is advisable to choose one or another method of competent refusal.
Tell how to cut
The method works with aggressive and persistent manipulators. These people believe that a refusal should always be accompanied by an explanation. But, from your side, it will look like an excuse, which lowers your self-esteem. The reason for refusal is your own business, and you choose whether to voice it or not. In a conversation with an aggressive and persistent opponent, do not play up, do not invent a reason. Say your firm no. This will prevent the manipulator from maneuvering. You may have to refuse more than once, since such people are not used to giving up. Imagine yourself as a spoiled record that is stuck in one word. The word is no.
Refusal with sympathy
Suitable if you have a manipulator in front of you who achieves goals by pressure on feelings of guilt. Despite the external harmlessness, such people are skillful, inventive puppeteers. Their victims are individuals with low self-esteem, prone to self-examination. Make it clear that you are not one of them. Empathize with the problem of the interlocutor, express how you understand his despair and gently step aside.
Refusal without a statute of limitations
The method will help if you are extremely unsure of yourself, easily give in to manipulation and risk falling off, once again hitting the hook. A refusal without a statute of limitations does not require a quick response. Take time out. Seek advice from loved ones, friends, who will strengthen you in the rightness. An example of such a refusal: “Give me time to think”, “Now I cannot answer, because I have already planned my own affairs for this day.”