What to do if there is no sex with your husband: the reasons and possibilities for solving this problem.
Cooling down to sex life happens differently for each couple. But in any case, marriage without sex becomes gray and dull. Psychologists note that a weakening of libido happens from two sides and have identified the main factors affecting the lack of regular sex.
Reasons for rejection of intimacy by a wife:
1. Stressful environment, difficulties at work, everyday problems.
A woman in a difficult period for her feels like an employee, mother, relative, but only a wife who does not want lust. She cannot shut down by order, not think about force majeure. The head is busy solving problems, and thoughts of love joys remain in the background.
2. A small child in the family.
Feeding day and night, fear for the baby’s health, chronic lack of sleep, fatigue leave no time or energy for a full-fledged sexual relationship. The woman has fresh memories of pain during childbirth, she is afraid of a new pregnancy, a repetition of negative feelings.
3. Quarrels and scandals.
Resentment, wounded pride reject any touch, not to mention full sex. At this moment, trust in the husband disappears, so tactile contacts are unacceptable.
4. Method of manipulation.
When the wife does not get what she wants the first time, she refuses to have sex with her spouse until the desire is fulfilled. There is a suppression of the will of the partner, which negatively affects future relationships, makes the husband pay the eyes of other representatives of the weaker sex.
5. Lack of romance.
A woman needs constant signs of attention. She likes little surprises, gifts, flowers. Praise and compliments, gentle touches, supper by candlelight dispose to intimacy. If the wife does not see her husband’s interest, resentment arises, leading to alienation, the destruction of relations in marriage.
6. A special position in the family.
The mother of the family, giving advice, enjoying authority with the household, does not seek the protection of a strong man. She does not need protection, an intimate relationship with her husband, she is already self-sufficient.
7. Own external unattractiveness.
Wives, who have grown fat during marriage, who have lost their former beauty and gloss, are ashamed of their bodies. They are afraid that upon closer examination, the husband will notice their flaws, want sex on the side.
8. Hormonal surges, gynecological diseases.
During their life, women go through stages of abrupt changes in hormonal levels – pregnancy, lactation, menopause. These conditions, as well as diseases of the reproductive system, make intercourse painful or undesirable, so there is no sex with the husband.
Oddly enough, but according to statistics, men more often avoid intimacy with their wives.
The main reasons that prevent men from having sex regularly are:
1. Pregnancy of the wife, birth of the first child.
Expectation, the appearance of a child changes the status of the wife, and with it the attitude of the husband. The woman is perceived as a mother and not as a lover. And the main purpose of the family is the birth and upbringing of children.
2. Loss of strength.
Lack of energy is observed with the change of seasons, weather, elementary fatigue. During this period, men have no desire to have sex. They do not feel like physically strong males, capable of passion and sexual exploits in bed.
3. Complaints about financial stability.
The man feels his failure, his thoughts are busy looking for a solution to the problem. Anxiety about the financial support of the family pushes sexual desires into the background.
When the days are similar, nothing interesting happens, the husband is overcome by boredom and laziness. In everyday life, there is no reason to prove your sex appeal.
5. Concentration on the main goal.
If the husband writes a scientific work, which is the main achievement of life, the wife at this moment is given a minimum of attention. The male character does not allow to be sprayed on several things at once, the priority remains the primary task.
6. Drastic changes in the appearance of the wife.
Small flaws in the form of a couple of extra pounds, wrinkles on the face or lack of styling, men often do not even notice. But significant changes in the figure or lack of self-care can turn a spouse away from his wife as from a mistress. At the same time, the couple will continue to communicate on a friendly wave, raising children together.
7. Health problems, weakening of potency.
A decrease in potency is caused by a disease of the prostate gland, insufficient production of testosterone. Sexual relationships are often contraindicated in men with heart failure. Reduces libido by taking antidepressants.
8. Total control, criticism.
Endless nagging, constant calls to find out what the faithful is currently doing cause rejection. A man feels dependent, unable to make quick and correct decisions, as his proposals and actions are often criticized. Anger and anger builds up, which destroys trust and intimacy.
The development of scientific and technological progress has brought enough entertainment into our lives, diversifying the daily routine, taking up all our free time. After many hours of computer games, there is no time or energy left for sex.
There is another common reason for the lack of sex in a married couple – hobbies on the side. And it doesn’t have to be treason. It’s just that all thoughts are occupied by another woman or a stranger. At the same time, the second half is in complete confidence that this simply cannot be, and is looking for the roots of problems in intimate life in something else.
How to get sex back with your husband?
If you live in a marriage without sex, then gradually the relationship will decline. The moment will come when the warmth of the soul will disappear, you will no longer trust, be interested in each other’s affairs. There are families where there is no physical intimacy between spouses for more than a year, they behave like neighbors. The couple is united by the living space, the obligation to raise common children, who are also unhappy in such a family.
Step 1. Pay more attention to each other.
When there are small children in a family, husbands fade into the background. The woman gives all her love, care and affection to the baby, and the man feels unnecessary and unloved. Correct this injustice. Involve your husband in taking care of the child, ask for help in solving everyday problems. Be sure to find time for gentle words, touches. Often, it is after the birth of the first child that there is no sex for more than a year, which leads to disharmony in the relationship. Change this state of affairs. Make time for intimacy.
As for men, they should often say pleasant words, praise their wives for a delicious dinner, talk about feelings. Compliments raise women’s self-esteem, fill family relationships with meaning. A woman who feels protected and loved does not shy away from sex unless there is a physiological reason for it.
Step 2. Create a new image.
Routine dulls the senses. To make your husband fall in love with you again, change something in your appearance. Change your hair color, make a stylish haircut. Sign up for a dance that will develop sensuality and plasticity. If you are overweight, buy a subscription to the gym, pool, yoga.
The husband will like not only your external transformation, but also your enthusiasm for a new business.
Step 3. Objectively evaluate your husband.
It cannot be that over the years of marriage, the spouse has lost all those qualities for which he was loved. Evaluate his external, internal qualities from the outside. Imagine that he is a stranger. Would you distinguish him from other men? And in order not to doubt the correctness of the choice, answer yourself honestly what life would be like without him. If it’s hard to imagine, then the feelings have not gone anywhere, they just dulled over time.
Step 4. Bring romance to the relationship.
Gray everyday life, replacing each other, evoke dullness and boredom. To rekindle past passion, add a little romance to the relationship. This is not necessarily a candlelit homemade dinner. Set up a date with your spouse at a park, hotel, hike, or a romantic trip. Imagine this is the first time. The main thing is that you are alone.
It happens that those who have lived without sex for almost a year become closer after spending a vacation together.
Step 5. Improve Sexual Literacy.
A woman is turned away from intimacy by her partner’s modest sexual abilities, monotony, and unwillingness to hear her partner. A man is not satisfied with the puritanical upbringing of his wife, stiffness and constriction. In order not to cause discomfort to each other, sex becomes less frequent or disappears altogether.
Study special literature, watch erotic films, train intimate muscles. Introduce a variety of role-playing games, toys for adults. Experiment, try different poses, be proactive.
Step 6. Forgive or not forgive.
If there has been a betrayal, and the sexual desire is directed to another object, it is difficult to forgive, and sometimes impossible. Betrayal destroys marriage from the inside. According to statistics, women forgive cheating more often. Husbands do not put up with the fact that they are preferred over another man, they are filed for divorce.
Family life is multifaceted. To be sex or not, each couple decides on their own. Maybe you are close spiritually, you feel good together and without an intimate life. But in most cases, the lack of sex brings discomfort and tension to the marriage, resulting in abuse and scandals. Confidential communication is lost, claims accumulate. The couple does not feel happy in marriage.