One thing is certain – jealousy is sometimes such a pronounced emotion that, in terms of the strength of the stress effect on the body, can be equated with the death of a loved one. It should be noted that the most important reason for jealousy is the sense of ownership, which can be equally inherent not only in men and women, but even in children. Love somehow in all these interpretations of jealousy fades into the background a little, giving way to their own experiences:
- complexes and low self-esteem;
- selfishness in relationships, with a constant desire to completely control every step of the chosen one;
- fear of loneliness, etc.
At the same time, jealousy is more noted in married couples, which also indicates a direct connection with the feeling of ownership of his chosen one, which he confirmed by putting the coveted signature on the form in the registry office. Since jealousy is inherent in everyone, you only need to be afraid of its hypertrophied manifestations, which can lead to negative consequences. It is better to cope with this condition by seeking help from a psychologist who will help you understand the reasons for your fear, teach you how to love yourself and build harmonious relationships based on love and trust.
Types of jealousy
By its nature or depending on the factors that provoked it, jealousy can be of different types:
- first, justified jealousy, when a partner really met and fell in love with another person. This may well happen in life, but at the same time you need to remain honest with your past lover and directly confess your betrayal and the end of love, without suffering from the duality of life yourself, and not turning the former chosen one into an eternally suspect paranoid;
- secondly, jealousy can have the opposite character – in other words, the cheating partner begins to suspect his chosen one of the same dishonesty, based only on his experience and his sins. Such jealousy grows even more if the traitor managed to completely hide the traces of his betrayal. In this case, he begins to be tormented by the thought that he can get into the same situation and be deceived as well;
- thirdly, jealousy can be instilled from childhood. Such feelings are more typical for people who in childhood saw a bad example of parental relationships or, on the contrary, became a victim of total control, taking this model as an example in their adult life;
- fourthly, there is the concept of age-related jealousy. More it concerns women who react sharply to any flirting on the part of a spouse in relation to younger and brighter beauties. Indeed, with age, many wives get used to family happiness and forget to take care of themselves. Men at this age, on the contrary, significantly benefit from young girls in comparison with inexperienced and poor young competitors. During this period, more often there are cases of male betrayal, explained by the people: “Gray in the head, and the devil – in the rib.” At the same time, age-related jealousy can be present and pronounced in couples with a large age difference, where the elderly spouse begins to be jealous of his younger wife for the first person they meet, realizing his physical superiority.
The most common causes of jealousy
According to psychologists, people who have cheated on their partners are most often prone to jealousy. Naturally, this does not mean all the reasons for jealousy – their list is wider:
- lack of confidence in their attractiveness and low self-esteem make many see in each interlocutor their chosen one a potential threat and a real competitor;
- any changes in behavior make you wonder what they might be associated with. And at this moment, the most reasonable explanation for jealous people is the presence of interest on the side;
- the lack of desire to have sex or the inattention of the partner also, in the opinion of the jealous person, can only be caused by love for another person and sexual relations with him. At the same time, the goal is absolutely not to find out the reasons for such a state in their second half, the knowledge of which would help to overcome a difficult moment in a relationship together (illness, fatigue, problems in business, etc.);
- the inability to adequately express their negative emotions at work leads to the fact that a person breaks down at home with close people, often starting to find fault with behavior and reproaching infidelity;
- a hypertrophied feeling of possessiveness makes them control every step of the chosen one, requiring reports and proof of loyalty;
- lack of trust in a couple and the appearance of suspicion is the first call to which you need to listen in order to make adjustments in the relationship in time and save your love.
How jealousy manifests itself
Now let’s look at how jealousy can manifest itself in addition to loud and illustrative scandals designed for the audience and the desire to cause pity to the jealous from others.
Signs of unhealthy jealousy are:
- checking the phone, pages in social networks, correspondence in messengers, etc.;
- annoying calls every minute with a single question where the partner is and what he is doing;
- constant parallel checking of the correctness of the answers of the chosen one using calls to mutual friends, colleagues and the partner’s bosses;
- meeting your beloved home in a raised voice with unfounded reproaches and aggressive claims;
- constant demand for proof of love, loyalty and devotion, etc.
The list of these abnormal emotions and attitudes towards your chosen one can still be continued. But the main thing is to understand that being always “under the hood” can get bored even with the most calm and balanced person, provoking him to various decisions unusual for him: from extremes in the form of treason (if you really listen, so at least on business) and to a banal parting and the search for a harmonious pair.
What consequences can you expect from jealousy in a relationship?
Constant reproaches and suspicions significantly spoil the relationship, forcing even couples with extensive experience of living together to break up. Jealousy creates tension in the family and creates an unhealthy nervous atmosphere. At the same time, all family members suffer: the jealous person himself experiences negative emotions, the victim of jealousy experiences a logical resentment for distrust. But the biggest problem is that this situation in the family is also observed by children, who subsequently build their relationships according to the same models. Excessive jealousy and suspicion, lack of respect for the personal life of the second half becomes the cause of the extinction of love, disappointment, physical and emotional distance between partners. Frequent baseless nagging can provoke real betrayal or lead to the final breakup of the couple. At the same time, such a tense situation in a relationship also threatens with purely physiological problems, causing constant stress and anxiety to serious pathologies in the form of:
- anorexia nervosa;
- impotence / frigidity;
- heart attacks, etc.
How to get rid of or tame this destructive feeling
You need to get rid of this feeling as soon as you notice the prerequisites for unhealthy jealousy.
It’s best to start with your own changes:
- develop and be an interesting person;
- take care of yourself to increase your own self-esteem;
- get rid of complexes;
- learn to love and appreciate yourself.
To keep the couple and not harm the relationship with your jealousy, follow these recommendations:
- talk more with your partner, ask his opinion, learn to listen and hear, look for ways out of problem situations together and build your model of ideal relationships;
- do not be afraid to ask questions, be more interested in the work, hobbies and problems of your chosen one;
- do not try to remake a person to fit your framework – look for points of contact for harmonious relationships in which both partners will be comfortable;
- do not forget about the right of each couple to their personal space and time;
- never resort to lies, inspiring confidence in yourself and trusting your partner;
- pay more attention to your common interests, look for things that will tie you closer to each other;
- forget about criticism, more gratitude and admiration in words – and then your chosen one will always want to return to the house where he is loved and appreciated as soon as possible.
In general, explain to yourself that it was you who were chosen by the partner and it is to you that he comes back every day. Think about how you were able to attract him and do even more to keep him for life. At the same time, do everything together, building your relationship on love, understanding, respect, fidelity and mandatory trust. What consequences can be expected from jealousy in a relationship.