Why not get divorced?
Many people during marriage at least once, but still thought about divorce. For some, divorce is a big threat, and they try to find reasons not to divorce, while for others, it becomes the only hope for a better life. I am now also divorced. My husband and I came to this decision mutually, and we do not blame each other for anything. So if your partner has a desire to end the marriage, you shouldn’t keep it. However, if you still want to keep your family together, then I will tell you about the main reasons why you should not break up.
1. Divorce will hurt your children
The rest of the reasons not to get divorced do not seem to be as important as this one. You should consider carefully how your children will be affected by your divorce. Typically, children suffer the most when their parents separate. These experiences are difficult enough for them, and their life will no longer be the same. When parents begin to live separately, the child’s world collapses, and he must adapt to the new reality. In addition, it can have emotional and psychological consequences. This is confirmed by many psychologists. They say that children who survived the divorce of their parents get married much later, or have various problems in family life. In addition, many studies confirm the fact that such children are more prone to smoking, drinking alcohol, they have problems with learning and communicating with peers.
2. Divorce will bring emotional devastation
Divorce is emotionally damaging to most people. It destroys all the hopes and dreams we had during our marriage. It separates us from the person we loved so much and with whom we wanted to meet old age. Aren’t these reasons for not getting divorced significant? Although these days we are so used to the fact that people get divorced at the first opportunity, that for us it becomes a habit. Perhaps a small part of people experience pain and suffering after breaking up, but they also try to relieve this pain through new relationships. But such steps do not always help.
3. Divorce leads to loss of confidence
At a young age, we all think that when we become adults, we will find our soul mate and be happy. But when we grow up and fail over and over again in relationships, our confidence is lost. When my husband and I were still dating, he really did not want to take on the obligation to get married. It was scary for him, because he had already failed in marriage once, and was afraid to repeat it again. Another aspect that comes into play when parting is our self-esteem. That is why people who have recently divorced often resort to new acquaintances, desperately trying to restore their attractiveness and relevance. They enter into new relationships without hesitation, instead of carefully choosing a partner and avoiding previous mistakes.
4. Loss of individuality
Marriage gives us a certain identity in this world, and divorce takes it away from us. After divorce, both people lose their familiar role as husband or wife. After all, they are so used to the role of a spouse, and now they should start all over again. Women perceive it much worse than men. After all, they again have to return to their maiden name, and again become an unmarried woman, who once again failed to achieve a positive result in a relationship.
5. Struggle for custody of children
Fighting for children changes the life of every parent. And this is probably the most difficult moment in a divorce. After all, you may be deprived of the opportunity to regularly see children in your home. Or you have to share them with your ex-spouse. I saw my ex-husband go through this. And it seems to me that there is nothing more difficult than the pain of a dad or mom who misses their child.
After all, every time the children leave for a meeting with your ex, you feel empty. And it’s not that the kids’ time with your ex is going to be bad. It’s just that most mothers want to see their children by their side. This also means that your children will now have two homes instead of one. And until the end of their childhood, they will have to constantly travel from one parent to another. They will have to adapt to a different lifestyle. Yes, a custody agreement can easily be written down on paper, but emotionally it will be very difficult for your children.
6. Loss of relationship with his relatives
It can also be painful for many people. Indeed, during family life, you can have a good relationship with your spouse’s relatives. And after the divorce, you will lose touch with them. And it can be very painful to realize that this connection has disappeared. After all, parents in any case will have to take the side of their child. So the relationship you built with his family will definitely end. Although I know people who kept in touch with the relatives of their former partner, these are rare cases. And, as a rule, their relationship did not last long.
7. Loss of friends
Divorce can have a negative impact on your social life and affect your relationships with friends and acquaintances. Usually mutual friends are forced to take sides, and as a rule, they choose their original friend. It doesn’t sound very good, but it’s the reality. In addition, some people you know may feel uncomfortable with a divorced person. They won’t know what to tell you or how to support you. Or they can stay away from you altogether.
8. Financial problems and additional costs
The longer a couple stays married, the more time they have to build assets. Couples who have been together for a long time often have significant financial stability. Being together allows them to accumulate savings as both partners work together for the good of their family. Divorce destroys this process, and forces both parties to start practically from scratch. Your joint assets can be divided. All this will be accompanied by additional costs for legal fees.
Perhaps, for some, such reasons not to get divorced will seem not serious. But after a divorce, you really will face significant costs, because now you have to pay for everything yourself, or yourself. Caring for the child will fall on the shoulders of one of the parents, usually the woman. And the man will just pay a little money to help her. From an economic point of view, this is much more difficult than doing everything together. So in a divorce, both sides lose.
9. Second marriages are even more difficult.
I have been divorced twice already and these reasons not to divorce are based on my own experience. And I know second marriages are more difficult than first ones. In addition, research shows that 25% of second marriages fail (compared to 20% of first marriages). During the first time of my family life with my second husband, I talked a lot about divorce. My husband was angry with me, but I couldn’t help myself. After all, I knew that he was also divorced, and when we began to have problems, the threat of divorce hung over our heads like a curse. And at some point we decided to divorce. The thing is, when people go through unsuccessful relationships that end in divorce, it’s often because of entrenched patterns. And if they are not aware of their mistakes, then both sides will tend to repeat them.
10. You keep your promises
Wedding ceremonies and vows are also significant reasons not to get divorced. On the day of the wedding, we promise that we will love each other, say various words of fidelity, and do not even know what they can turn into, and how difficult it will be to keep them. After all, these promises are forgotten over time, when family problems fill our lives more and more, and it seems to us that there is simply no place for love and joy in it. And the fact that you made these promises to your spouse, your family, your friends and yourself, few people remember about this.
11. Divorce negatively affects health
Many doctors talk about the deteriorating health of the spouses after the divorce. There have even been studies conducted between divorced people and those who have never been married. As a result, it turned out that divorced people experience 20% more chronic diseases than non-divorced people. These are heart problems, cancer, depression and chronic fatigue syndrome.
As you can see, the reasons for not getting a divorce can be different. But I want you to proceed from your own situation and make a balanced decision based on your own circumstances. And before divorcing, they definitely thought about the consequences, because they are really serious. I certainly don’t force anyone to stay in an abusive relationship. I just want to show what you can get in the event of a breakup, and share my experience of difficult divorces.