I recently consulted a twenty-nine year old man who has never been in any relationship. And he was the only person in his environment not involved in relationships. The guy said that he had a fear of being alone, and he wanted to fix it. It honestly surprises me that many people feel lonely anxiety when they see their relatives and friends starting families and building long-term relationships. It seems to them that if they don’t start changing their lives now, and don’t find a partner, then it will be too late. Like they’re going to die or something. They need a relationship because they feel like a black sheep in their environment. This is definitely not correct thinking.
Causes of the fear of loneliness
I’ve noticed that the fear of being alone and the need for relationships have their roots. If you ask people why they are in a relationship, you will hear answers that I personally find vague. For example, such as: “every person needs love.” “It is bad for a man to be alone.” “We want to be appreciated and respected,” and other similar responses. It is important for me to find logic in everything. There are undoubtedly many people who do not want and cannot be alone. Living alone means that you don’t have a wife, husband, boyfriend, girlfriend, roommate, or anyone living with you. Pets don’t count here. Yes, there are many people who need sexual intercourse with a partner. There are people who lack emotions and cannot live alone. There are those who quickly become depressed, they cannot even spend a couple of hours without talking to someone. All of these are the causes of the fear of loneliness.
The fear of being alone is not a problem
For a celibate person like me, being permanently alone is not a problem. While most of my friends are focused on building family life, I focus on other things that are more important to me. For example, I help people deal with their psychological problems, and I write useful articles for you. I love reading, watching educational videos, and spending time in deep thought. I still keep in touch and communicate with my friends and acquaintances, even if they are already married. You may ask me if I am worried that they might think that I am a strange person. Not at all. You see, a person shouldn’t judge his life based on the opinions of other people. He has his own opinion, goals, plans and dreams.
Many people do not feel happy in a relationship at all. They just have a fear of being a lonely person. Desperation to find a husband or wife. Fear of being alone, pressure from friends and family. All this creates chaos in modern society. I believe that it is better to be temporarily alone than with a person who does not give you pleasure and happiness. After all, finding a partner for life is not so easy, it takes time and effort. There are many people who need love and romance. They choose the first partner they come across, and after a while their life together becomes unbearable. It is filled with quarrels, insults and violence. I believe that such people simply do not value themselves.
Sex for fear of being alone
I also don’t understand people who start relationships for sex. After all, there must be something more important than this. People should choose each other according to common values and life priorities. Especially if they want a long term relationship. So that you can have a good time with a person, he will share the moments that excite us. Not just to have physical contact. If a person has to call friends or family just to chat. Since he cannot do this with his partner. Then such a relationship can be considered unsuccessful. I believe that you need to have a person next to whom you can talk on any topic, and be as one. So that he was with you in moments of happiness and grief, and not only when he had a desire to have sex. If your relationship depends solely on the sexual component, this is useless.
The bitter truth about relationships
Most people who want to find love strive for excellence. But every person has flaws and bad qualities. It is important for a man and a woman to understand whether they will be able to cope with the shortcomings of their partner or not. The bitter truth that pushes many people to celibacy is that only 10% of marriages and relationships are based on true love.
The problem is that many people hide their flaws. If the person tends to be angry, swears a lot, or likes to get drunk, they will struggle to hide it during dates and in the early stages of a relationship. As a result, his partner believes that this is the perfect person. Over time, all the shortcomings begin to appear, and the person discovers the true nature of the partner. This usually occurs within a few years after the wedding. What is the divorce rate today? Around 60% or more, depending on the country. And the remaining percentage of people continue to live together, because they have a fear of being a lonely person. Therefore, my observations say that less than 10% of couples are really happy.
And here is the choice of everyone. Or work with your partner to be part of the 10% who succeed in a relationship. Or enjoy being alone. But it’s important to understand that if you want to be in the 10% of successful couples, you can’t be in a desperate relationship. After all, there are many aspects that affect a happy relationship. And I’m not angry or upset that I still haven’t found my man. And I am glad for my friends and acquaintances who have found their halves. Although some of them are not happy couples. Therefore, I am very careful when choosing people, and the fear of being a lonely person does not scare me at all.