Why relationships are problematic and what to do about it?
Few find their true love the first time. And he lives with this person happily ever after. Basically, we all go through mountains of trial and error, get into toxic relationships, constantly quarrel and disagree, before we finally find our soul mate. For most of us, one hand is not enough to count bad relationships.
Sometimes we know exactly where we went wrong when we started dating a bad guy or girl for fun. Or we mistakenly believe that we can change a person and his behavior. Sometimes we just don’t have a clue of how to build a relationship, and we quite often enter into an alliance with a person who, as a result, negatively affects our whole life.
I am familiar with this because I often got into toxic relationships. But I didn’t understand it right away. I thought I was doing something wrong and tried to somehow change the situation. I continued to hope that if I changed something, then everything could be different. But when I tried to please my partner, I became more and more unhappy every day. And more and more distanced from who she really was. As a result, I became angry, negative, and constantly crying. I experienced real pain in my heart and mind when I realized that this relationship was destroying me and needed to be ended. Therefore, I want you to be able to identify them in advance and painlessly “leave this game.”
What does toxic relationship mean?
It is difficult to give an exact definition of this concept. But in most cases, this is due to the partner ignoring your desires and preferences. He can ignore your feelings and emotions, want everything to be the way he wants it. Understatement, insincerity and secrecy can also be attributed to toxic relationships.
Toxicity is like an invisible enemy that will kill your love and relationship in the end. In addition, it takes a lot of energy and strength from you. It prevents you from enjoying life, and you cannot be truly happy and in love. No matter how hard you try, you just won’t be able to feel good with this person. This relationship does not fill you, but only exhausting and hurting you.
How to identify toxic relationships?
In fact, it can be quite difficult to pinpoint a toxic relationship without obvious problems such as abuse or rude behavior. But physical or emotional abuse aren’t the only ingredients in toxic relationships. Various negative signs, feelings and behaviors can be much more subtle.
Even if you are not yet fully aware that you are in a toxic relationship, chances are you are already feeling certain negative things. You may feel some kind of rejection, discomfort, a feeling that you are moving away from happiness, and not in it. Perhaps you feel that you were wrong with the choice of a partner, or that he does not like being around you, but you cannot leave him. And those days that were previously funny and romantic are no longer repeated. You feel heavy, anxious and worried.
It is possible that you even laugh together, but this laugh is often unnecessary or unreasonable. And it manifests itself when you bring out the worst in each other. You may be constantly feeling tired or exhausted, and suffer from more illnesses associated with headaches, colds, and stress symptoms. And your self-esteem and self-confidence is constantly declining.
Toxic behavior can range from mild to severe. But it is not difficult to define it. Think about any of the following in your relationship?
- Your communication includes some form of humiliation, criticism, judgment or accusation;
- Cheating or open flirting outside the acceptable range;
- Physical, mental, or emotional pressure;
- Passive, aggressive and condescending comments in your direction;
- Intense jealousy and suspicion;
- Constant threats to leave or cheat, while devaluing your relationship;
- An attempt to control or manipulate;
- The desire to fix everything in another person;
- Reluctance to spend time together;
- Trying to put other things ahead of the relationship;
- Lying, avoiding important conversations, vague answers;
- He / she actively tries to create conflicts.
How to get out of a troubled relationship
1. Understand the problem
Ending a toxic relationship really isn’t easy. Especially when one or both partners are not aware that they are participating in them. Therefore, the first step will be to understand the current situation. You need to pinpoint to yourself that you are in a toxic relationship and want to get out of it. You need to understand that you can live without this person and this relationship. That you are a self-sufficient person and have the right to happiness in life.
2. Get rid of guilt
Next, you need to get rid of the feeling of guilt. Because many people who are in toxic relationships feel guilty about ending them. But you definitely need to get rid of this feeling and stop blaming yourself. After all, no one deserves to be bullied. And no matter what kind of person you are, no one has the right to give you physical and emotional pain. Therefore, there is no need to find explanations and excuses for his / her behavior. Make a firm decision for yourself to end this union and put an end to it.
3. Find support
If you feel difficult or dangerous when talking to your partner about breaking up, then you’d better get some support. These can be your friends or close people who can support you and help you in this difficult situation. Tell them the whole truth and ask for support.
4. Decide in advance what you want to say
When talking with your partner about breaking up, you will be very nervous and worried. Therefore, write down in a notebook what you want to tell him. Think about how your words might react. At the same time, you should not blame him / her for anything. Just say that you don’t want to stay in this relationship anymore because you don’t feel happy / happy. If you are afraid to say it live, then do it over the phone or write a letter.
5. Do not postpone parting until later.
Once you’ve figured out for yourself that you are in a toxic relationship, don’t delay the breakup and don’t need to try to change anything. Have the courage and just walk away. Do not hold on to the person, no matter how important he is to you. Your calm and happy life should come first, and you can still find the right partner for you. Therefore, be confident and firm in your decision, and do not postpone parting until later.